To Fall or Not To Fall

It's hard to fall for someone who is not even remotely in the same page with you. For all we know, you are reading a romantic novel, while he's into demons and stuff.

But then again, it's not as if you can choose who to like or love. It's one of the wonders of love. It's not dictated, not scripted and definitely not coerced. Though it would make more sense to fall for someone who also loves you, it just doesn't happen that way. Love is complicated and it ain't easy as that. It involves a lot of risks and fate.

Risks.
The worst part of crushing on someone is that when that someone is with someone else. Or if that someone is not even remotely aware that you exist. Or if that someone can only offer you friendship. The possibilities are endless but it all boils down to unrequited love.

Unrequited love by far, is the worst. If you can stay steer away from it, then do so.

Fate.
What I love about love is that it can never be imposed. Sometimes, you just know. You crush on someone, go out on a few dates, get to know each other well, fall in love together with each other... the works.

And that's why even if Love has pained me too much, I'd still say
it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
and it is better to have loved and let go than to have loved and held on to the wrong one all this time.

Ako rin, ako rin!

An entry I found in Jovee's site. Tapos kay Burn pala nanggaling.

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love: You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Getting Over Someone...

A good friend asked me how she’d know if she’s finally over someone.

I’m no expert in this subject but I did my best in explaining to her how it was when I was in that situation.

The signs are not accurate. Sometimes, you wake up not thinking about the person but that doesn’t guarantee na you are finally over the person. After all, 1 day is irrelevant to the next days, weeks, months and years to come. So lesson number one is to NOT ask for a sign.

It’s hard. It’s hard trying to recall how I came to this point from where I was when my heart was broken. It took me a while, that I remember. I was always walking in a daze and I was in my own world. I was trying to accept the fact that my one true love broke my heart.

Things change. Before I met him, I was my own person. I did things on my own and I didn’t have to ask someone (or anyone for that matter) if they like what I’m doing or wearing. I wore my hair short even if it made me look like siopao. I drink and smoke with friends without having to get someone’s permission. I own my decisions.

When I met him, things started to change. I was more conscious and cautious with what I was doing. Hindi naman dumating sa point na he has the final say. It’s just that it’s hard to be the drinker and smoker that I was considering na wala syang bisyo. Though I’m not a heels person, mas lagi akong nagsusuot ng flats to compliment his height (kasi he’s a bit short, hehe). You know, certain things like that. Until it reached the point na I was checking with him every now and then kung ano magiging decisions ko. I do not blame him. Kasi it was my decision to check with him. Hindi nya ako pinilit. I just felt that during that time, I was supposed to do that dahil “kami”.

Allow yourself time to figure out what you really want to be. Do you want to be the same person before you met him? Or do you want to stay the way you are (after being with him)? Regardless of your decision, you have to realize that it’s just you now. You do not answer to anyone (most of all, him) but yourself.

Time is all you need. It can and may not happen overnight. It might take a while. Just be patient. There are no due dates. Take all the time that you need. Let the scars heal. They may not be visible physically but you have to make sure that the ones that we do not actually see have already healed.

Lastly, it doesn’t matter if he is or he is not over you. He doesn’t dictate when you should start trying to get over him. He has his own life to live and hindi ka na kasama dun. So start living your own life too.

Getting over someone you used to love is no easy feat. You loved the person at his best and worst. You accepted the person as he is. The mark he left in your life will always be indelible. It may not be as noticeable as it was the first time, but it’s permanent. Though they may have hurt us and broken our hearts, that doesn’t change the fact that they loved us too. They may not love us the same way when the relationship was just starting out. Things change. It’s not our fault that they no longer love us the way we love them. And if this happens, it happens for a reason. It may not make sense now but in time, you will realize that it’s better that things ended that way.

Floaters and Francis M.

floating - \[floh-ting] –adjective
1. being buoyed up on water or other liquid.
2. having little or no attachment to a particular place; moving from one place to another: a floating work force.
3. Pathology. away from its proper position, esp. in a downward direction: a floating kidney.
4. not fixed or settled in a definite place or state: a floating population.
5. Finance.
a. in circulation or use, or not permanently invested, as capital.
b. composed of sums due within a short time: a floating debt.
6. Machinery.
a. having a soft suspension greatly reducing vibrations between the suspended part and its support.
b. working smoothly.

***

It's been a while since I last posted something here. And yes, tama ka. Floating.

Dahil summer na, masaya na magtampisaw sa dagat (o sa pool, o sa malaking-malaking timba) at mag-floating. Nakakaaliw ang mag-float lalo na kung marunong ka ring lumangoy. Kasi dumadating yung point na habang naka-float ka, parang nakakasawa rin na nakatengga ka ng matagal. At kung nasa dagat ka, e baka sa kung saang lugar ka makarating. Enjoy, nakakaaliw, masaya... kung hindi forever na lulutang lutang ka.

E pano kung sa work ka mag-floating? Yung tipong walang kasiguruhan, yung di mo alam kung ano mangyayari sa pagpasok mo sa opisina? Yung tipong wala ka pang isang oras sa opisina e pinapauwi ka na dahil floating ka daw muna. Basta mag-float-float ka na lang daw muna.

Naku... e di pa naman ako marunong lumangoy. Hanggang bubbles lang kaya ko e.

Badtrip.

***

Just like what I've been telling my friends, ngayon pa lang nag-sink in sa akin na Francis Magalona is gone. It's sad. I've always thought na he's good. He has sense when he raps. Hindi yung tipong clap your hands everybody lang ang alam sabihin. Bilib nga ko sa kanya e. Sayang.

***

There is hope. I refuse to believe na wala. Kasi mahirap mabuhay na wala kang pinaniniwalaan. Things would be better. It may not happen over night pero in God's time, things will get better.

Ang buhay parang gulong. Minsan nasusunog. Hehe. Kidding aside, wala sigurong bright side for now pero magkakaron din yan, promise.

What's my Point?

Sa buhay, madalas, may gusto tayong gawin na for some reason, di naman natin magawa.
Sometimes the reasons are practical in nature, minsan naman just pure emotional.

Gaya ko, gusto kong magpagupit ng hair. Para sana maiba naman. For the longest time, nagpapa-rebond ako at straight lang gupit ko. Gusto ko naman sana maka-experience ng iba. Pero dahil sa umaasa ako na ako'y lalakad down the aisle this year, inisip ko, huwag muna.

Minsan, lalo na 'pag bagsak ang CSAT ko, gusto kong mag-resign. Kapag napakaraming pinapagawa sa opisina, lalong lumalakas yung kagustuhan kong umalis. Pero kapag ok naman, cool lang, steady lang.

Before I wrote this post, alam ko may punto ako. As I move towards the end, ayun... nakalimutan ko na yung punto ko.

Maganda talaga na pag-isipan muna lahat ng bagay. Kasi minsan, our emotions cloud our judgement. At kadalasan, lalo na kung emotion ang pinaiiral natin, we decide badly.

Deal with the hurt, cry it out, let the tears run dry. Di mawawala yung sama ng loob.
It doesn't heal overnight. Kapag medyo ok ka na, think of what you will do. At the end of it all, it's solely your call.

Conversations with John XII

A conversation with John long before the Twilight mania…

Ma-an: You’re impossible fast. You’re strong. You’re skin is pale white and ice cold. You don’t go out in the sunlight.

John: Say it, say it out loud!

Ma-an: VamPIG! You are a VamPIG!

End of kabaliwan.

Life and Death

One of the hardest things for me to deal with, by far, is death. I’d like to believe that I am not afraid to die. I’d like to believe that death is really inevitable. I’d like to believe that, death, like change is life’s constant.

But no matter how hard I think about it, death scares me. The fact not knowing just scares me even more.

Death in the family, no matter how tragic and sad it is, cohesively binds us all the more.

Lola Paring, we will miss you.

*****

If I had my way, I’d start 2009 better than this. The passing away of my lola is not a good way to start the year no matter how hard we try to deal with it logically. Losing someone is plain and simple sad.

We’re just consoled with the fact that she didn’t have to suffer long and that she’s now with Papa J and Lolo S.

*****

If there’s one thing I learned out of this, is that it solidified the fact that nothing in this world is permanent. We all have to live life to the fullest and avoid regrets. Deal with might-have-beens and do everything that we can while we still can.

Live, laugh and love freely!
Live without regrets.

Seize the day and make the most out of it.

My 2009 Resolutions

Since it's 2009, I've come up with my resolutions. I hope to keep them, so help me God.

• Smoke less. Well, I don't smoke on a daily basis. Usually, when I'm just out having coffee or if I'm on a party. I hope to keep it that way. I don't smoke daily, unless super busog and bloated ang feeling ko.
• Drink more water. I know 8 glasses a day is OA for me. To keep it realistic, 2-3 glasses a day. I am resigned to the fact that I can't take Coke out of my system. As a compromise, I will try to keep it to a minimum.
• Moderate Bag shopping. I am a self-confessed bagoholic! Bags are like drugs to me. I know they're bad for the budget yet I can't seem to stop myself. Stopping is like killing myself. So, I'll just have it moderated. If I see a bag that I like, I will think about it 5 times. If after 5 times of contemplation and I still can't get it out of my system, then I'll buy it. But if I somehow "forget" about it, then it's not mine to buy.
• Moderate Havaianas shopping. (same as above)
• Save more. I'll spend less on things that aren't important and save more for the rainy days.
• Laugh more. I'll try not to think too much of the things that are over and done with, therefore, can't be changed. Think less of things that are insignificant to me like why this person is like this or why that person is like that. Again, some things (and persons) can't be changed. I just have to accept that fact.
• Learn a new word at least every other day. Thesaurus and Dictionary baby!
• Communicate with my lovedones more. What is piso for a text if I know na I will make my Mama or Tita or long-lost friend smile diba?

This is all I can think of for now...

2008 – The Year That Was

Here’s a recap of my 2008.

MY FAITH

My faith will always get me going. No matter how tough it gets, I know I can do it because no matter how big the problem is, I have a bigger faith and bigger God.

MY FAMILY

Your family will always be your family. They will stick by you through thick and thin. They will always take you as you are with and without the imperfections.

I’m just so lucky because I have an understanding and loving family. I love them and they love me – enough said.

MY CHI

I will always be thankful that I have John in my life. Life can’t get any better than this. With life’s ups and downs, everything’s alright with him by my side. To borrow Edward’s words for Bella -- John is my life now.

I am hoping that this year would finally be the year. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Let this be the year.

MY FRIENDS

I love my friends with all my heart and with all that I am. I know that I can and will do anything within my powers for them. I’m just so lucky knowing that they feel the same way towards me. They will always be my persons no matter what. I may stumble upon challenges and road blocks once in while but it’s okay because I have my friends to cheer me up and support me all the way.

As I grow older, I realize that my priorities changes. These are my priorities for now.

2008 has been a good year to me. I’ve nothing to complain about as I was able to breeze through it unscathed.

I’m very thankful for all the things that transpired, no matter how great or small, important or insignificant, happy or sad – for these all helped me become who I am right now.

As for 2009… bring it on!