A good friend asked me how she’d know if she’s finally over someone.
I’m no expert in this subject but I did my best in explaining to her how it was when I was in that situation.
The signs are not accurate. Sometimes, you wake up not thinking about the person but that doesn’t guarantee na you are finally over the person. After all, 1 day is irrelevant to the next days, weeks, months and years to come. So lesson number one is to NOT ask for a sign.
It’s hard. It’s hard trying to recall how I came to this point from where I was when my heart was broken. It took me a while, that I remember. I was always walking in a daze and I was in my own world. I was trying to accept the fact that my one true love broke my heart.
Things change. Before I met him, I was my own person. I did things on my own and I didn’t have to ask someone (or anyone for that matter) if they like what I’m doing or wearing. I wore my hair short even if it made me look like siopao. I drink and smoke with friends without having to get someone’s permission. I own my decisions.
When I met him, things started to change. I was more conscious and cautious with what I was doing. Hindi naman dumating sa point na he has the final say. It’s just that it’s hard to be the drinker and smoker that I was considering na wala syang bisyo. Though I’m not a heels person, mas lagi akong nagsusuot ng flats to compliment his height (kasi he’s a bit short, hehe). You know, certain things like that. Until it reached the point na I was checking with him every now and then kung ano magiging decisions ko. I do not blame him. Kasi it was my decision to check with him. Hindi nya ako pinilit. I just felt that during that time, I was supposed to do that dahil “kami”.
Allow yourself time to figure out what you really want to be. Do you want to be the same person before you met him? Or do you want to stay the way you are (after being with him)? Regardless of your decision, you have to realize that it’s just you now. You do not answer to anyone (most of all, him) but yourself.
Time is all you need. It can and may not happen overnight. It might take a while. Just be patient. There are no due dates. Take all the time that you need. Let the scars heal. They may not be visible physically but you have to make sure that the ones that we do not actually see have already healed.
Lastly, it doesn’t matter if he is or he is not over you. He doesn’t dictate when you should start trying to get over him. He has his own life to live and hindi ka na kasama dun. So start living your own life too.
Getting over someone you used to love is no easy feat. You loved the person at his best and worst. You accepted the person as he is. The mark he left in your life will always be indelible. It may not be as noticeable as it was the first time, but it’s permanent. Though they may have hurt us and broken our hearts, that doesn’t change the fact that they loved us too. They may not love us the same way when the relationship was just starting out. Things change. It’s not our fault that they no longer love us the way we love them. And if this happens, it happens for a reason. It may not make sense now but in time, you will realize that it’s better that things ended that way.