Monday, September 26, 2005

Procrastinating...

As I am in no position to demand an explanation from you, the most that I could do is spill my guts here.

Whatever makes you happy, go for it. I just wouldn't want you hurt for the nth time.

As I've been telling you for the longest time, as long as masaya ka, masaya na rin ako for you.
The most that I could do is sit back, and wait. After all, you are the driver. Whether this would lead you to a plain joyride or a journey back home, I will await for you. Whether you'd be beaming cos of happiness, or with tears held back in your eyes... I will be here for you. That's what friends are for. Although I hate his guts, I wouldn't mind accepting him as he is as long as he makes you happy. What if it's written in the stars na kayo talaga? Who am I to contradict the constellation? I am no God. Goddess lang. Hahaha. Seriously, if this situation leads you back or away from him, andito lang ako. Whatever decision you take, I will support you.

We can't be procrastinators all the time. Some things are better dealt with, ASAP. I saw you putting this thing off for the longest time. Anyone in your position will be doing the same thing, I assure you. I just hope that this time, as you try to deal with it, you succeed.

Funny, I too, have been putting off a lot of things lately. Feeling ko, I have all the time in the world yet I believe na Life is short, that's why you have to make the most out of it. Contradicting? I know. Tell me about it...

From something as petty as trying to stop drinking Coke, to something as bizaare as trying to fully letting go, the list goes on.

I will deal with them... in my own time.
Let's just wait a little more.

Sunday, September 25, 2005

Past Forward...

Nothing significant happened for this week. In short, lumipas na naman ang isang linggo na walang kabuluhan.

Woohoo! September's about to end. First off, at long last, my CA's gonna fall off. And finally, I get the chance to apply for a different position. I am psyching myself not to get too excited though. Madali pa naman ako ma-dissapoint. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Sana I get the chance. Secondly, malapit na Christmas. Ilang months na lang, Christmas shopping na naman. Ano kaya bibilhin ko na gift para sa sarili ko? Hmmm...

Weird ng weather. The other day, sobrang lakas ng ulan at hangin. As I was looking at the office window, feeling ko, dumalaw si Hurricane Katrina. I didn't bring my anti-hangin payong kaya para akong basang pusa when I got home. Tapos ngayon, naka-smile na si Haring Araw! Weird!

Anyhow...

I am soooo loving my metallic purple Havaianas.
Maski ayaw ni John, deadma!
and


Ang haba na pala ng hair ko.
Will keep it that way for now...
Hopefully, next week's gonna be a better week...
Hopefully...

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

Love Stories...

When you think of your past love, you may view it as a failure. But when you find a new love, you view the past as a teacher.

In the game of love, it doesn't really matter who won or who lost. What is important is you know when to hold on and when to let go!

You know you really love someone when you want him or her to be happy, even if their happiness means that you're not part of it.

Everything happens for the best. If the person you love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love someone else again, for you'll never know unless you give it a try.

You'll never love a person you love unless you risk for love.

Love strives in hurting. If you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.

Love doesn't hurt all the time. Though the hurting is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Don't find love, let love find you. That's why it's called falling inlove because you don't force yourself to fall. You just fall.

You cannot finish a book without closing it's chapters. If you want to go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by a single caress. It is a lifetime venture in which we are always learning, discovering and growing.

The greatest irony of love is letting go when you need to hold on and holding on when you need to let go.

We lose someone we love only when we are destined to find someone else who can love us even more than we can love ourselves.

On falling out of love, take some time to heal and then get back on the horse. But don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejections, to live is to risk dying, to hope is torisk failure. But risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk nothing! To reach for another is to risk involvement, to expose your feelings is to expose true self, to love is to risk not to be loved in return.

How to define love: fall but do not stumble, be constant but not too persistent, share and never be unfair, understand and try not to demand, hurt but never keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. It can stab the heart or it can carve wonderfulimages into the soul that always last for a lifetime. Love is supposed to be the most wonderful feeling. It should inspire you and give you joy and strength. But sometimes the things that give you joy can also hurt you in the end.

Loving people means giving them the freedom who they choose to be and where they choose to be.

For all the heartaches and the tears, for gloomy days andfruitless years, you should give thanks, for you know, that there were the things that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find his way,whether it leads towards you or away from you.

Love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then you'll experience the fullness of humanity and that is love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire and tear youapart. Only love can make you cry and only love knows why. If you're not ready to cry, if you're not ready to take the risk, if you're not ready to feel the pain, then you're not ready to fall in love.



+++
And so I went out with my friends last week.
Everyone's well... I guess.

Love has different faces and phases.

Yung isa kong friend, for the longest time, ayaw sya tantanan ng nakaraan nya. Meaning, ayaw sya lubayan ng ama ng anak nya.
Weird phrase?
Here's a backgrounder.
She' s a single mom. The Dad... what do I say about that jerk?! Hmmm... let's put it this way, he's living as if he has no worries. Parang walang anak na dapat intindihin. I know I sound biased pero this is how I see it. It shouldn't be a problem kung ayaw nyang iwan yung friend ko. The thing is, ayaw nyang iwan friend ko, at the same time, ayaw rin nyang iwan yung so-called-girlfriend nya. Something is seriously wrong with him. He can't have them both, naturally. I am in no position to make him choose. Pero naman, for my friend's peace of mind, he has to. Nakakabadtrip ns sya e! Ano ba sya? God's gift to women?! He's got all the signals mixed up. How can he believe na it's gonna work out this way? He makes promises, but never delivers. How can he expect na he has my friend at his beck and call? It's gonna take more than empty promises and sweet messages to win her back. Potek, pati kami na friends nya, you have to win us back!
Good thing, my friend is handling the situation well. She's trying to live her own life now. It's a tough job pero she is getting there.

Yung isa kong friend, she caught her husband cheating. Potek diba? Why get married kung magloloko ka lang naman pala diba? Nobody forced you to marry her. She's one heck of an independent girl! For crying out loud, Marriage is a serious business. You have a family to save. Need I say more? If you're unhappy, cheating won't solve a thing. Lahat naman ng bagay, nadadala sa magandang usapan. Ganun ba kadali kalimutan yung marriage vows nyo? Isa ka pa, batukan kita e!

Yung isa kong friend, mukhang masaya naman. And it's good to know na she is happy. No one has to conform to society just so you can love a person and be happy. As long as wala kayong
nasasaktan na ibang tao, let it be. Stay Happy!

Monday, September 19, 2005

Gotta have one of these...












... Maybe after a couple of years or so. When I'm ready.
Introducing Mikayla Sasha Courtney A. Miranda.
John's pamangkin. Isn't she pretty? Kakagigil. Sarap kagatin.
She's like a breath of fresh air.
Hope to have one... soon.

Catching up with Friends...

I went out last Friday with my HS bestfriends (too bad, wala kaming pic). It wasn't much of a gimmick. We try to meet up for coffee at least every month, or every after two months. O sige na, whenever time and our schedule permits it. Good thing may texts and blogs, so kahit 'pano, updated kami sa buhay-buhay ng isa't isa. Usually, it's just me, She' and She-Anne. This time, may new recruit, Chrissie.

As usual, we can't help but reminisce about the good old days. Ooops, i sound too ancient naman. Rephrase, we can't help but reminisce about the good days.

It was good. Catching up with friends good friends at that.

She-Anne, I saw her profile. You are tooo nice talaga. You find her cute?! Then I'm gonna be the next Supermodel!

Friday, September 16, 2005

LSS...

Take Me Away...
Lifehouse

This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burned me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do

I've seen it all
And it's never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone
This time all I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
I've seen enough
And it's never enough
It keeps me leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

Sunday, September 11, 2005

Why I still care for my Ex...

Anyone who has gone through the agony of losing someone he/she loves so much will still wish against all odds to have that love back again.

But sometimes a love lost is a love gone forever. No amount of hope can bring back to life a relationship that just died a natural death.

Set yourself free, let your heart spread its wings and fly. Remember, it may rain for 40 days and 40 nights, but still it will not rain forever. One day the pouring will stop and there will be plenty of branches where you can find rest.

One of these is where you will build your nest and start over again. It's never too late. you may find love and lose it but, when love dies, you never die with it.

You cannot be a redeemer all your life. The best way to weigh a relationship is through the test of fire. You cannot be a sober with your mistake forever. We all fall and make wrong decisions but our blunders are not meant to bury us deep in misery but to teach us the valued lessons of life.

Loving is always a learning process.. with love we learn how to CARE AND SACRIFICE. We learn to SHARE AND REACH OUT. We learn to be UNSELFISH AND GIVE MORE THAN WE CAN.

Then, when everything doesn't end well, we learn how it feels like to fall and get hurt. But learning doesn't have to end there. After our fall, we strive to get back on our feet and move on. This is where we learn that LIFE DOESN'T END WHERE OUR HEARTACHES BEGIN.

THERES NO FUTURE FOR RELATIONSHIP OF LIES AND SELFISHNESS.

Its true, there is life in love. But, here can still be life even after losing love if you leave the past behind and let your heart heal and give you the chance to find yourself again. The success of a relationship lies not only in the beauty of its beginning but in its consistency.

Make a choice not on impulse but a decision based on a healthy balance of mind and heart. Let us always remember that... HAPPINESS IS NOT A MATTER OF DESTINY BUT A MATTER OF CHOICE.

There comes a time in our lives when we chance upon someone so nice and beautiful and we just find ourselves getting so intensely attracted to that person. This feeling soon becomes a part of our everyday lives and eventually consumes our thoughts and actions.

The sad part of it is when we begin to realize that this person feels nothing more for us than friendship. We start our desperate attempt to get noticed and be closer but in the end our efforts are still unrewarded and we end up being sorry for ourselves.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO FORGET SOMEONE YOU LOVE, WHAT YOU NEED TO LEARN IS HOW TO ACCEPT THE VERDICT OF REALITY WITHOUT BEING BITTER OR SORRY FOR YOURSELF. YOU WOULD BE BETTER OFF GIVING THAT DEDICATION AND LOVE TO SOMEONE MORE DESERVING.

Don't let your heart run your life, be sensible and let your mind speak for itself. Listen not only to your feelings but to reason as well.

Always remember that if you lose someone today, it means that someone better is coming tomorrow.

IF YOU LOSE LOVE, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE FAILED IN LOVE. CRY IF YOU HAVE TO BUT MAKE SURE THAT TEARS WASH AWAY THE HURT AND THE BITTERNESS THAT THE PAST LEFT YOU WITH. LET GO OF YESTERDAY AND LOVE WILL FIND ITS WAY BACK TO YOU.

And when it does, pray that it may be the love that will stay and last a lifetime.


A man who makes a promise with words and not with actions may never live up to fulfill them.

ITS TRUE THAT LOVE CAN WAIT FOREVER BUT IT IS CRAZY TO STUBBORNLY HOPE FOR SOMEONE WHO DOESN'T EVEN CARE OR UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL.

Love makes us see the things through rose-colored glasses. Most of the time, we fail to recognize the danger sign that light up along our way. This feeling you have nurtured for so long isn't healthy anymore.

You must realize that you have to let go now before it consumes you and your sanity. There is always a time to think and stop. A time to be sensible and not to allow our hearts to rule over our heads.

YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY NOT IN THE ARMS OF A MAN WHO KEEPS YOU WAITING BUT IN THE ARMS OF SOMEONE WHO WILL TAKE YOU NOW AND LOVE YOU FOREVER.

If loving a person who is attached to someone else is a crime, then, maybe, many of us would have been jailed long before we realize what its consequences could have been.

Loving someone is never a sin..it's what people do out of love that sometimes makes it all wrong. The selfish desire to want that person is what makes it a sin.

DON'T THINK ONLY OF YOUR FEELINGS FOR REAL LOVE DOESN'T HAVE A PLACE FOR SELFISH PEOPLE.

When there is love, there is always sacrifices. When we love someone, we never easily give up on that person. Even is we get hurt badly we always try to find a way to ease the pain and learn to understand and forgive. Loving too much doesn't hurt..it is when we expect this love to be reciprocated that we begin to seek approval and acceptance of the things we have done and when we are taken for granted and rejected, we curse the very same love that we once freely and happily offered.

DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WAITING FOR SOMEONE WHO NEVER REALLY CARED ABOUT HOW YOU WOULD HAVE FELT. OPEN YOUR HEART AGAIN AND GIVE YOURSELF THE CHANCE TO FIND THE MAN WHO WOULD MAKE LOVING WORTH THE PAIN AND THE SACRIFICE.

Just like anything else, our love grows weak and dies, if not taken cared of. It can keep up with pain only to a certain extent. Beyond that, it withers without any hope of recovery and soon dies.

GOD WAKES US IN THE MIDST OF A STORM TO TEACH US A LESSON. HE TAKES AWAY PEOPLE WE LOVE SO WE CAN LEARN TO VALUE LOVE ITSELF. HE MAKES US CRY SO HARD SO WE CAN SEE CLEARLY WHEN WE OPEN OUR EYES. HE MAKES US BITTER SO WE CAN REALIZE THAT THERE IS NO GENUINE HAPPINESS IF WE THINK ONLY OF OUR OWN NEEDS AND NOT OF OTHERS.

Relationships built on jealousy and selfishness are doomed from the very beginning. The hardest part of losing love is letting go and moving on. Most of us cry endlessly over things that could have been but never will be. God allows us to experience pain to make us stronger and better persons. He will see us through the most trying and difficult times in our lives and only if we put our trust in Him can we learn to find joy in our tears and happiness in our sorrows.

In many failed relationships, separation comes as the inevitable choice but moving on always proves to be twice as difficult as letting go. Sometimes, our choice to hold on is beyond the control of circumstances.

Letting go is a decision that can never be dictated on us. It is resolution we make to ourselves. Acceptance is the key to a new beginning and time is the healer of all wounds. Even if the storm casts its fearful shadow, there will always be light after our darkness and loneliest moments. There is always a hope for those who believe. There is always a chance for those who try.

LOSING SOMEONE WE LOVE MAY NOT BE A LOSS AT ALL BUT A BLESSING BECAUSE SOMEONE EVEN MORE DESERVING IS YET TO COME.

There is nothing wrong in expressing our feelings to someone we love, but WE MUST ALWAYS BE SENSITIVE TO THE SIGNALS THAT TELL US WHEN TO RATIONALIZE AND BE SENSIBLE.

There comes a time in our lives when we would fall for someone who wouldn't be as interested as we are because his attention is focused on someone else. There are many times when we love but don't get love in return. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN THE SIGN AHEAD SAYS STOP BUT WE STILL STUBBORNLY HEAD ON.

We would say our love is unconditional..but of it really is, then we should never feel bad. But why do we get frustrated when love turns sour? Because we still subconsciously seek acceptance and assurance from the people we care about.

BEING IN LOVE CAN BE THE MOST WONDERFUL THING WE COULD EXPERIENCE BUT IF THE FEELING BEGINS TO CONSUME OUR WHOLE BEINGS, THEN WE HAVE TO STOP AND LET OUR MINDS AND NOT OUR HEARTS DICTATE OUR ACTIONS. ONLY WHEN WE LEARN TO ACCEPT OUR FATE AND UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF OUR FAILURES CAN WE TRULY GO ON WITH LIFE. WITHOUT HAVING TO LOOK BACK AND CRY OVER THE THINGS THAT COULD HAVE BEEN BUT WILL NEVER BE.....



Even if my ex and I didn't end up together, I still get to chat with his brother and sister. That's the good thing about us, although things didn't work out, we've remained friends. Kaya nga when we broke up, I was devastated. I mean, I wasn't just breaking up with him, but with the rest of his family, family nya na through the course of time, naging family ko na rin.

Buti na lang, it didn't turn out that way. Everytime they're online, they don't fail to say hi.

The other day, ka-chat ko brother nya.

The brother asked, mahal ko pa rin daw ba kuya nya. I said yes... but not as much as I loved him then.

I just wanted to be honest. Although we've got separate lives now, I still care for him. I sincerely hope na he is happy as I am. I can't deny the fact na once in my life, he was one of the most important persons in my life. Time will not erase that. We may not be together now, pero I know na I still care for him.

I could afford to be concerned to a friend, why not to an ex diba?

May pinagsamahan din kami. Good or bad, we've shared memories.

Friday, September 09, 2005

Sari-saring Pics...


Sssshhh... quiet! Natutulog si Lani! Baka magising...




Another self-portrait. Alam na alam ko na yung anggulo ko.





Me and Ivan. A futile effort of me trying to fix my hair as artistas does.




Hanep diba? Parang asa bahay lang ako. With matching popcorn pa yan ha!




My first time to eat in a Jolly Jeep. Naks! Milestone eto...

LSS...



Swept Away
Christopher Cross

I never had anything happen so fast
Took one look and I shattered like glass
I guess I let it show
Cause your smile told me you knew
That you're everything I ever wanted at once
There's no holding this heart
When it knows what it wants
And I never wanted anything more than to know you

I was swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way
To make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away

And so it begins
This journey of love
The summer wind carries us to places all our own
The words of a look
The language of touch
The way that you want me means so much
And I never wanted anything more
Than to love you

I am swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way
To make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away, seeing my tomorrow's in your eyes
I was swept away

Ooh, I hope I wake up soon
Ooh, I'm a victim of that crazy moon

The very first time you said my name
I knew it would never sound the same
Something about me has changed forever

Can't you see I am swept away
No one in the world but you and I
Gotta find a way
To make you feel the way that I do
I am swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away
Away, seeing my tomorrow's in your eyes
Gotta find a way
To make you feel the way that I do
I was swept away
Without a warning
Like night when the morning begins the day
I was swept away

We were swept away
Dreaming of you
Swept away

Wednesday, September 07, 2005



Missing in Action: Jovee

Last Friday, Jovee, TJ, Burn and I were supposed to go out. At the last minute, nag-text si Jovee to tell na us he can't make it. Naturally, I was disappointed. Who wouldn't be diba? Naka-plano na yung lakad days before pa. Only to find out na may hindi makakarating. I try to understand. Sabi nga ni John, hindi naman daw umiikot ang mundo nila sa kin. Point taken. But not yet forgiven. O sige, medyo harsh. I can't say naman na it's okay with me, e hindi naman talaga.

Jovee, honestly, nalungkot ako. I can't explain e. Huwag mo sabihin na during those days naman na hindi sila pwede e ikaw ang naman ang lagi kong kasama. Let's not even go there...

TJ can't stay long dahil she has exams the next day. So, kami ni Burn ang magkasama the whole night. We watched Sky High then afterwards, coffee at Starbucks. Nakakahiya nga kasi lahat ng nanonood ng movie, puro kids. Malamang, e pambata yung palabas e. He stayed at the pad until morning. We had fun. He taught me the wonders of downloading songs through IRC. Uy, thanks sa libre mo ha!

When he was about to go home na, it was raining hard. He had no choice but to take the umbrella I lent him.

Burn, cute ka sana kaso pang-girl yung payong mo!



Palipas Oras...

WHAT


...bothers you ryt now?

I can't figure out kung bakit hindi ko ma-send yung Constantly and Coloured Kisses sa phone ko.

... is your favorite month of the year?

Hands down, December!

... what was you dream last night?
Did I have one?

... is your greatest fear?
Grow old alone.

... was the best thing that happend to you this week?
My profile's still busted so I am still off the phone! Lol!

...are your goals right now?
Be promoted at work. Be healthier. Save more.

...can you promise to the one you love?
Lifetime.

... will you wish for if you have a genie?
To get 10 more wishes...



WHO...


...is the one you're thinking of ryt now?
Yung ka-chat ko sa iRC. Naghahanap ng GF. Ipakilala ko kaya kay Sly.

... do you run to when you're down?
John.

... are the most influential people in your life ryt now?
Mama ko. John. Friends.

...was the last person you went out with?
Burn and TJ.

... is the one you're missing ryt now?
Mama ko.

... will you call/text later?
Most probably si John. To remind him of our lakad later.

... completes your day?
John. At si Coke. Hehehe.

... do you want to talk to ryt now?
Ate Lala or si Tik.



WHEN...


... will you take a bath?
Later. Before kami umalis ni John.

... will you watch a movie?
Pag naisipan ko. Or pag gusto ko.

... was the first time you fell in love?
Yung serious? Sa first BF ko. A long, long time ago.

... was the last time you went out with your friends?
Last weekend.

... was the last time you said " i love you"?
Kanina.

... was the last time you read a book?
Last weekend din.

... was the last time you asked for help?
Forgot na. Pero yung mga simpleng help lang, sus! Everyday!

...was the last time you kissed your dad/mom?
Ages ago...

...was the last time you were really happy?
I am so easy to please. Little things lang, masaya nako.

...was the last time you cried?
Nung firedrill sa office. Ang hirap huminga. Nag-hyperventilate ako.

Monday, September 05, 2005

LSS...

What I Didn't Know...
Athenaeum

I complain
When nothing's even wrong
And you're ashamed
Cause you're not quite that strong

That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
I miss your face as you can tell
I hope my absence makes you well

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I am sorry too
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

I am shy
I never speak a word
And you are numb
From all the things you never heard
That's when I said I'll need
More than you can offer me
But now I own an empty space
And I can't fill it with your face

Cause what I didn't know
Is I was killing you
I said a lot of things that I didn't mean to
But I am older now
And I believe in you
So I can wait awhile
If it brings me back to you

Sunday, September 04, 2005

To Die For...



My Gosh! It's early morning and I AM hyperventilating (no, not because of another fire drill...).

But because of these two...


hay...

gush...

kilig...

yummy...

Meet MY Hayden boys... Tommy and Nicky.

Mag-mo-motocross ako, as long as sila ang teachers ko!



Sunday Sentiments...





How did you know...


I remember so well
The day that you came into my life
You asked for my name
You had the most beautiful smile


My life started to change
I'd wake up each day feeling alright
With you right by my side
Makes me feel things will work out just fine


How did you know
I needed someone like you in my life
That there's an empty space in my heart
You came at the right time in my life


I'll never forget
How you brought the sun to shine in my life
And took all the worries and fears that I had
I guess what I'm really trying to say
It's not everyday that someone like you comes my way
No words can express how much I love you

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Trip Down Memory Lane...






Langya! Si Mitch lang hindi nagbago itsura!

Louise, buti naman at nagpapahaba ka na ng buhok.

Shet! Tagal ko na ngang hindi nagpapakita senyo...

One of these days... Promise!

Validation...

I just can't believe why you had to do that. Why did you have to let me know? We do communicate, I know. Pero trivial stuffs lang. I wasn't expecting na a news as big as that, e ipapaalam mo pa. I could just shrug it off and act indiffirent. But I can't. What's weird is I am so under the impression that I will never be effected by you anymore. What's your business is your business. Wala nang pakialamanan. I was wrong.

When you told me na finally, after us, you're trying to be in another serious relationship, may kurot akong naramdaman sa puso ko. I don't know kung dahil nasaktan ego ko or kung may mas malalim pang dahilan.

I needed to validate everything. I checked your friendster account.

Status: In a Relationship.

So it's true.

Maka-log out na nga.