I'm Passing this On...

I REFUSE TO...


I REFUSE TO WAIT ANY LONGER.
There was a time in my life when I would have saved myself for you alone. In my heart no one else would do. I belonged to no one else but you. That isn't me anymore. My heart finally caught up with my brain and I finally saw that all of it was just nothing but fantasies. Dreams that only I wanted. There was no hope left for us. As each day passed, it became clearer to me that it was never meant to be. We were never meant to be.


I REFUSE TO LIVE IN THE PAST.
What we shared lives in the past, it doesn't control me any longer. Don't get me wrong, I will forever treasure it but I won't let it hold me back. I won't let it ruin who I was and who I am now. For a time, I almost forgot who I was without you. I'll never let that happen again. I won't ever lose myself again.


I REFUSE TO FIGHT ANYMORE.
For several months now, I've been fighting. I've been fighting for our friendship and for us. However, no matter what I do, I seem to be losing. Whenever I feel as if I'm going to buckle down because of the pressure, the thought that somehow maybe you are fighting for us too kept me going. But months have passed, I haven't heard from you. Somehow I finally realized that I was the only one fighting for us. I was doing everything I could possibly can for someone who was and never will be mine.

I REFUSE TO BELIVE THAT YOU DIDN'T LOVE ME.
Somehow, someway, I know that I have a place in your heart. You may not have been able to love me the way I wanted you to love me but I know that even for just a second, you really did love me.


I REFUSE TO LOSE HOPE.
It may not be you. It may take me forever to find him, but I will. Tears have been streaming down my cheeks for too long but not anymore. I have learned so many things from all this. Things that I felt should have been taught to me some other less painful way but somehow I don't regret it. It made me stronger. It made me look inside myself and really see who I really am and not who I thought I was. Hope kept me going. The hope for better things to come, the same hope that one day I will finally be over you.



+++++

I got this from peyups.com. I was long over my ex when I read this. But just the same, it stuck a chord.

After the break-up, I was under a delusional phase that somehow, he'll miss me and in time, he'll come back to me. I waited... and waited... and waited. Funny thing is, he never came back. Everytime I woke up, my first thoughts were filled of him. Literally. The memories hunted me. I was scared of being alone. I didn't know what to do. I felt lost. I know he loved me. It just wasn't meant to be.

And now, I am passing this on...

To my HS friend, I hope in time, the hurt subsides.

I hope that you'd find love sweeter and better the second time around.