Not this December...

It’s not gonna happen in December.

I've been repeating this phrase to myself for the past few weeks thinking that by doing so, I would have better chances of accepting it.

No matter how valid the reason may be, I am still having a hard time grasping the realization that I won’t be walking down the aisle in December.

I've been putting this off since I found out about it.

The moment John told me that we may have to push our wedding date, I just had to see my best friends. I had hard time breathing and I know, seeing them and talking to them would somehow alleviate the pain I am feeling.

I am still reeling from the shock.

I am still trying to get over the gut-wrenching pain.

I am still trying to validate the reason.

I am still trying to deal with it.

I am trying.

And God knows I am failing.

*****

This doesn't make me love John any less. I love him. What gets me going is the fact that regardless, whether it's not going to be this December, it's bound to happen.

I will walk down the aisle towards the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

It may not be in December.

But it's going to be soon.