~ Buhay Maldita ~

To Fall or Not To Fall

2009-11-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

It's hard to fall for someone who is not even remotely in the same page with you. For all we know, you are reading a romantic novel, while he's into demons and stuff.

But then again, it's not as if you can choose who to like or love. It's one of the wonders of love. It's not dictated, not scripted and definitely not coerced. Though it would make more sense to fall for someone who also loves you, it just doesn't happen that way. Love is complicated and it ain't easy as that. It involves a lot of risks and fate.

Risks.
The worst part of crushing on someone is that when that someone is with someone else. Or if that someone is not even remotely aware that you exist. Or if that someone can only offer you friendship. The possibilities are endless but it all boils down to unrequited love.

Unrequited love by far, is the worst. If you can stay steer away from it, then do so.

Fate.
What I love about love is that it can never be imposed. Sometimes, you just know. You crush on someone, go out on a few dates, get to know each other well, fall in love together with each other... the works.

And that's why even if Love has pained me too much, I'd still say
it's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all
and it is better to have loved and let go than to have loved and held on to the wrong one all this time.

Ako rin, ako rin!

2009-03-28T09:30:00.000+08:00

An entry I found in Jovee's site. Tapos kay Burn pala nanggaling.

Your view on yourself: You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for: You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship: You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love: You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education: Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you: You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success: You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.

What are you most afraid of: You are afraid of having no one to rely on in times of trouble. You don't ever want to be unable to take care of yourself. Independence is important to you.

Who is your true self: You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

Getting Over Someone...

2009-03-22T07:04:00.000+08:00

A good friend asked me how she’d know if she’s finally over someone.

I’m no expert in this subject but I did my best in explaining to her how it was when I was in that situation.

The signs are not accurate. Sometimes, you wake up not thinking about the person but that doesn’t guarantee na you are finally over the person. After all, 1 day is irrelevant to the next days, weeks, months and years to come. So lesson number one is to NOT ask for a sign.

It’s hard. It’s hard trying to recall how I came to this point from where I was when my heart was broken. It took me a while, that I remember. I was always walking in a daze and I was in my own world. I was trying to accept the fact that my one true love broke my heart.

Things change. Before I met him, I was my own person. I did things on my own and I didn’t have to ask someone (or anyone for that matter) if they like what I’m doing or wearing. I wore my hair short even if it made me look like siopao. I drink and smoke with friends without having to get someone’s permission. I own my decisions.

When I met him, things started to change. I was more conscious and cautious with what I was doing. Hindi naman dumating sa point na he has the final say. It’s just that it’s hard to be the drinker and smoker that I was considering na wala syang bisyo. Though I’m not a heels person, mas lagi akong nagsusuot ng flats to compliment his height (kasi he’s a bit short, hehe). You know, certain things like that. Until it reached the point na I was checking with him every now and then kung ano magiging decisions ko. I do not blame him. Kasi it was my decision to check with him. Hindi nya ako pinilit. I just felt that during that time, I was supposed to do that dahil “kami”.

Allow yourself time to figure out what you really want to be. Do you want to be the same person before you met him? Or do you want to stay the way you are (after being with him)? Regardless of your decision, you have to realize that it’s just you now. You do not answer to anyone (most of all, him) but yourself.

Time is all you need. It can and may not happen overnight. It might take a while. Just be patient. There are no due dates. Take all the time that you need. Let the scars heal. They may not be visible physically but you have to make sure that the ones that we do not actually see have already healed.

Lastly, it doesn’t matter if he is or he is not over you. He doesn’t dictate when you should start trying to get over him. He has his own life to live and hindi ka na kasama dun. So start living your own life too.

Getting over someone you used to love is no easy feat. You loved the person at his best and worst. You accepted the person as he is. The mark he left in your life will always be indelible. It may not be as noticeable as it was the first time, but it’s permanent. Though they may have hurt us and broken our hearts, that doesn’t change the fact that they loved us too. They may not love us the same way when the relationship was just starting out. Things change. It’s not our fault that they no longer love us the way we love them. And if this happens, it happens for a reason. It may not make sense now but in time, you will realize that it’s better that things ended that way.

Floaters and Francis M.

2009-03-10T09:53:00.000+08:00

floating - \[floh-ting] –adjective
1. being buoyed up on water or other liquid.
2. having little or no attachment to a particular place; moving from one place to another: a floating work force.
3. Pathology. away from its proper position, esp. in a downward direction: a floating kidney.
4. not fixed or settled in a definite place or state: a floating population.
5. Finance.
a. in circulation or use, or not permanently invested, as capital.
b. composed of sums due within a short time: a floating debt.
6. Machinery.
a. having a soft suspension greatly reducing vibrations between the suspended part and its support.
b. working smoothly.

***

It's been a while since I last posted something here. And yes, tama ka. Floating.

Dahil summer na, masaya na magtampisaw sa dagat (o sa pool, o sa malaking-malaking timba) at mag-floating. Nakakaaliw ang mag-float lalo na kung marunong ka ring lumangoy. Kasi dumadating yung point na habang naka-float ka, parang nakakasawa rin na nakatengga ka ng matagal. At kung nasa dagat ka, e baka sa kung saang lugar ka makarating. Enjoy, nakakaaliw, masaya... kung hindi forever na lulutang lutang ka.

E pano kung sa work ka mag-floating? Yung tipong walang kasiguruhan, yung di mo alam kung ano mangyayari sa pagpasok mo sa opisina? Yung tipong wala ka pang isang oras sa opisina e pinapauwi ka na dahil floating ka daw muna. Basta mag-float-float ka na lang daw muna.

Naku... e di pa naman ako marunong lumangoy. Hanggang bubbles lang kaya ko e.

Badtrip.

***

Just like what I've been telling my friends, ngayon pa lang nag-sink in sa akin na Francis Magalona is gone. It's sad. I've always thought na he's good. He has sense when he raps. Hindi yung tipong clap your hands everybody lang ang alam sabihin. Bilib nga ko sa kanya e. Sayang.

***

There is hope. I refuse to believe na wala. Kasi mahirap mabuhay na wala kang pinaniniwalaan. Things would be better. It may not happen over night pero in God's time, things will get better.

Ang buhay parang gulong. Minsan nasusunog. Hehe. Kidding aside, wala sigurong bright side for now pero magkakaron din yan, promise.

For Sale: Pre-loved Coach stripes bag

2009-01-25T04:39:00.000+08:00

If you have doubts, please do not bid. All sales are deemed final.
I am selling these items because I rarely use them.

I am selling this bag for Php1500.

FOR PRE-LOVED ITEMS:

All pre owned items are sold AS IS.

I strictly follow a NO RETURN, NO EXCHANGE Policy.

Please ask all questions regarding the item BEFORE bidding. Email me if you wish to get more pictures of the item you're interested in.

You may contact me at 0917-3766237 for faster communication.

All haggling will be ignored.

Newbies or for those with zero feedbacks are requested to EMAIL their valid contact and shipping info first BEFORE placing their bids.
I will cancel bids without prior notice if this particular condition is not met.

PAYMENT METHOD:

I accept the following payments only:

§ GCASH

§ Chinabank deposit

§ UCPB deposit

§ COD - meet up point is Makati (please take note that for COD, I will add Php100 for the handling fee to cover for the gas and parking fee)

Payments are expected within 3 to 5 days. Prompt payments are highly appreciated.

SHIPPING:

I can ship items via AIR21.

Rate for the 1st kilo is as follows:
METRO MANILA - 100
PROVINCIAL - 120

Items will be shipped within 24 to 48 hours of receiving your payment. If a tracking number is sent out to you, please contact AIR21 regarding your package at 854 2100 should it fail to reach you in 2 to 3 days time. Cut off time for payment is 10 AM. Any items paid after the said time will be shipped the following working day.

I AM NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR LOST OR STOLEN PACKAGES.

If you wish to have your items insured to its nearest thousand, please let me know.

What's my Point?

2009-01-18T05:47:00.000+08:00

Sa buhay, madalas, may gusto tayong gawin na for some reason, di naman natin magawa.
Sometimes the reasons are practical in nature, minsan naman just pure emotional.

Gaya ko, gusto kong magpagupit ng hair. Para sana maiba naman. For the longest time, nagpapa-rebond ako at straight lang gupit ko. Gusto ko naman sana maka-experience ng iba. Pero dahil sa umaasa ako na ako'y lalakad down the aisle this year, inisip ko, huwag muna.

Minsan, lalo na 'pag bagsak ang CSAT ko, gusto kong mag-resign. Kapag napakaraming pinapagawa sa opisina, lalong lumalakas yung kagustuhan kong umalis. Pero kapag ok naman, cool lang, steady lang.

Before I wrote this post, alam ko may punto ako. As I move towards the end, ayun... nakalimutan ko na yung punto ko.

Maganda talaga na pag-isipan muna lahat ng bagay. Kasi minsan, our emotions cloud our judgement. At kadalasan, lalo na kung emotion ang pinaiiral natin, we decide badly.

Deal with the hurt, cry it out, let the tears run dry. Di mawawala yung sama ng loob.
It doesn't heal overnight. Kapag medyo ok ka na, think of what you will do. At the end of it all, it's solely your call.

Conversations with John XII

2009-01-17T12:36:00.000+08:00

A conversation with John long before the Twilight mania…

Ma-an: You’re impossible fast. You’re strong. You’re skin is pale white and ice cold. You don’t go out in the sunlight.

John: Say it, say it out loud!

Ma-an: VamPIG! You are a VamPIG!

End of kabaliwan.

Life and Death

2009-01-06T06:28:00.000+08:00

One of the hardest things for me to deal with, by far, is death. I’d like to believe that I am not afraid to die. I’d like to believe that death is really inevitable. I’d like to believe that, death, like change is life’s constant.

But no matter how hard I think about it, death scares me. The fact not knowing just scares me even more.

Death in the family, no matter how tragic and sad it is, cohesively binds us all the more.

Lola Paring, we will miss you.

*****

If I had my way, I’d start 2009 better than this. The passing away of my lola is not a good way to start the year no matter how hard we try to deal with it logically. Losing someone is plain and simple sad.

We’re just consoled with the fact that she didn’t have to suffer long and that she’s now with Papa J and Lolo S.

*****

If there’s one thing I learned out of this, is that it solidified the fact that nothing in this world is permanent. We all have to live life to the fullest and avoid regrets. Deal with might-have-beens and do everything that we can while we still can.

Live, laugh and love freely!
Live without regrets.

Seize the day and make the most out of it.

My 2009 Resolutions

2009-01-02T07:44:00.000+08:00

Since it's 2009, I've come up with my resolutions. I hope to keep them, so help me God.

Smoke less. Well, I don't smoke on a daily basis. Usually, when I'm just out having coffee or if I'm on a party. I hope to keep it that way. I don't smoke daily, unless super busog and bloated ang feeling ko.
Drink more water. I know 8 glasses a day is OA for me. To keep it realistic, 2-3 glasses a day. I am resigned to the fact that I can't take Coke out of my system. As a compromise, I will try to keep it to a minimum.
Moderate Bag shopping. I am a self-confessed bagoholic! Bags are like drugs to me. I know they're bad for the budget yet I can't seem to stop myself. Stopping is like killing myself. So, I'll just have it moderated. If I see a bag that I like, I will think about it 5 times. If after 5 times of contemplation and I still can't get it out of my system, then I'll buy it. But if I somehow "forget" about it, then it's not mine to buy.
Moderate Havaianas shopping. (same as above)
Save more. I'll spend less on things that aren't important and save more for the rainy days.
Laugh more. I'll try not to think too much of the things that are over and done with, therefore, can't be changed. Think less of things that are insignificant to me like why this person is like this or why that person is like that. Again, some things (and persons) can't be changed. I just have to accept that fact.
Learn a new word at least every other day. Thesaurus and Dictionary baby!
Communicate with my lovedones more. What is piso for a text if I know na I will make my Mama or Tita or long-lost friend smile diba?

This is all I can think of for now...

2008 – The Year That Was

2009-01-02T07:24:00.000+08:00

Here’s a recap of my 2008.

MY FAITH

My faith will always get me going. No matter how tough it gets, I know I can do it because no matter how big the problem is, I have a bigger faith and bigger God.

MY FAMILY

Your family will always be your family. They will stick by you through thick and thin. They will always take you as you are with and without the imperfections.

I’m just so lucky because I have an understanding and loving family. I love them and they love me – enough said.

MY CHI

I will always be thankful that I have John in my life. Life can’t get any better than this. With life’s ups and downs, everything’s alright with him by my side. To borrow Edward’s words for Bella -- John is my life now.

I am hoping that this year would finally be the year. I am keeping my fingers crossed. Let this be the year.

MY FRIENDS

I love my friends with all my heart and with all that I am. I know that I can and will do anything within my powers for them. I’m just so lucky knowing that they feel the same way towards me. They will always be my persons no matter what. I may stumble upon challenges and road blocks once in while but it’s okay because I have my friends to cheer me up and support me all the way.

As I grow older, I realize that my priorities changes. These are my priorities for now.

2008 has been a good year to me. I’ve nothing to complain about as I was able to breeze through it unscathed.

I’m very thankful for all the things that transpired, no matter how great or small, important or insignificant, happy or sad – for these all helped me become who I am right now.

As for 2009… bring it on!

Life After the Baclaran Incident

2008-12-24T16:12:00.000+08:00

After the unfateful Baclaran incident, I just seem to have lost the appetite to write (buti na lang hindi to eat-- haha!).

To those who haven’t heard about it yet, here’s the gist. We went to Baclaran last November 30^th para sana

makatipid sa ibang gifts for our relatives. While inside a store, John became too comfortable that he didn’t realize that he wasn’t holding my bag anymore. What was lost? My RL houndstooth bag, my W890 phone, my Samsung flip-top phone (which was free for my Sun post-paid line), John’s gold necklace (a gift from his Mom), his gold bracelet (a gift from me for our 2^nd Christmas), his watch (my gift for our 5^th Anniversary) and lastly, my diamond engagement ring, cash, IDs and some other stuff.

I have no other intention but to rant about what we lost that day.

Pero sabi nga ng karamihan, pwede pa naman namin ulit kitain yung perang nawala at pwede pa ulit kaming bumili nung mga bagay na nawala. But still, it can’t be helped na we feel sad when we remember what happened.

If I can turn back time, okay na mawala lahat huwag lang sana

yung ring ko.

But I can’t turn back time. So I’ll just be thankful na we weren’t hurt and that this incident proved na we are truly loved by our friends.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Conversations with John XI

2008-11-24T05:02:00.000+08:00

We went to Greenhills yesterday. We checked out the pricelist of iPhone and Samsung Omnia kasi. I've been telling John kasi na I want an iPhone since it was released last year. Since usapang Christmas gifts na, habang naghihintay kami na makalabas sa parking lot...

Me: Chi, ano'ng gusto mo na Christmas gift?

John: Nothing. I just want to see you happy and I'm happy na.

Me: (Speechless)

John: Hindi nga po. I am serious. I am a simple person with simple aspirations and dreams. If I just see you happy, I'm also happy.

Aaww... ang sweet naman.

Life can't get any better than this.

iPhone or Samsung Omnia?

2008-11-23T12:01:00.000+08:00

I'd appreciate feedback on both phones.

I've been really thinking of getting an iPhone for myself.

Why? It's stylish and it looks nice. I know, ang babaw. I guess I'd have to review the specs more. If we'll be spending around 30K for a phone, might as well know what I'm getting myself into.

Will iPhone be worth it? I really need feedback especially from those who has one (of course, hehe) or those who are just simply in the know.

Another phone that I'm looking at is Samsung Omnia.

Just like iPhone, it also looks stylish. Touchscreen din sya and I guess, has some features the same as that of iPhone.

Just like with iPhone, I'd have to seriously study the specs and reviews for this phone. No idea how much it costs though.

Feedback would be highly appreciated. I currently have W900. It's a walkman phone and it takes decent pictures naman. It's also touchscreen but the screen isn't as big as that of iPhone or Omnia (I think).

Anyways, feedback anyone?

My Christmas Wishlist

2008-11-17T09:40:00.000+08:00

Daig ng maagap ang masipag. Kaya naman ngayon pa lang, I am starting my Christmas Wishlist na, hehe.

Twilight: The Complete Illustrated Movie Companion

by: Stephenie Meyer

Shadow Music

by: Julie Garwood

I don't care if it's 3G or not. Or kung ano pa man. Basta iPhone. Hehe. Hindi naman ako choosy.

This is it for now. Will just update this from time to time.

Why I'm so into Christmas...

2008-11-16T13:49:00.000+08:00

As we traveled along Ayala Avenue last night, I realized na the streets are garbed with Christmas decors na. And yes, just a few more weeks, pasko na naman!

I’ve always been a Christmas person. I just love everything about Christmas.

Syempre, una na sa list is yung 13^th month pay. Everyone deserves it. After working hard for the last 12 months, aba dapat naman talaga, may reward.

For some reason, talagang I love Christmas. Siguro because I have the fondest memories of celebrating it with my family. When I was growing up, we always go to the province and spend the holidays with our relatives. At dahil malaki ang pamilya ko, super saya palagi and of course, exciting ang gift giving rituals. Through the years, even after I started working, I make sure na even if I can’t be with them, I have a “little something” for my family and relatives. Lalo na sa mga lolo, lola, tito and titas ko. Kasi when I was growing up, they also made sure na may “little something” akong matatanggap once the clock strikes 12 and we start with the gift giving.

It’s just ironic though, I am a Christmas person and John is simply not. He’s not the Grinch naman or anything. In fact, he’s very supportive lalo na when I do my Christmas shopping. Though I hear complaints every now and then, it’s somehow a bonding time for us and he really makes sure that he shops or rather, tags along with me. I guess he’s not a fan of Christmas because he didn’t have a lot of good memories. For him, Christmas season means that it’s December. When it’s December, it’s cold. And when it’s cold, not everyone is well. Close friends would surely know what I mean by this.

Anyway, we once had a plan of tying the knot in December. In fact, we wanted it this December. But due to several reasons, the plan just can’t be accommodated as much as we wanted to.

Yes, I want to get married in December. Why? Simple. I want John to start looking at December differently. Gusto ko maisip nya na December isn’t so bad at all dahil we got married in December, dahil pwedeng maging masaya ang Disyembre, dahil it’s not too late for us to start making memories of our own. Na kahit he didn’t have great Christmas celebrations in the past, we can start making ours together. Na I am here to celebrate all Christmases with him for always. Na I will do everything within my power to make sure na masaya sya at though I can’t erase the past, I am here to make things better for the long haul.

At this point, I’d like to borrow my mentor’s reason why they sang a Christmas song on my birthday last June!

Chi, Disyembre man o hindi, it’s always Christmas when I’m with you.

Hmp, Panget!

2008-11-03T20:26:00.000+08:00

Bakit ganun, minsan, kung sino pa ang pangit, sila pa ang may pangit na pag-uugali?

Dahil ba sa tingin nila e they have nothing to lose dahil pangit na sila?

O defense mechanism nila yun?

Hmmm... hindi po ako nagmamaganda, I'm just thinking out loud.

Ang daming instances na kasi na may mga pangit na "nagmamaganda".

Gamitin ko lang yung linya ni Alfie nung minsang may inaway sya na manager sa McDo dahil sa attitude problem...

"Ang panget-panget mo na nga, ang panget-panget pa ng ugali mo!"

Hay. Ampanget!

PS. Bato bato sa langit, ang tamaan wag magagalit. Hindi po ako super ganda, hindi rin naman po ako pangit. May times na nagmamaldita ako, pero I make sure na nasa lugar ako.

Conversations with John X

2008-11-03T20:08:00.000+08:00

This post is long overdue.

When John and I ate at Amici last month, we noticed na the crew takes the "self-service" policy quite seriously.

At napansin din naman na the servers didn't have trouble asking us to "go there, go back there and go back here" for our orders and special requests.

Anyway, since we didn't finish our pizza, John decided to call one of the waiters to have the rest of the pizza "to go".

John (to waitress): For take-out na yung pizza.
Waitress: Okay po, punta kayo dun (sabay turo sa cashier). Sabay alis...

John (to Me): Grabeng tamad naman ng mga tao dito.
Me: E self-service daw po e.
John: Baka mamaya, tayo pa paghugasin ng pinggan at baso natin.

Hahaha.

Bukas...

2008-10-31T15:04:00.000+08:00

...mababawasan ng isang makapal na folder ang mga floor files ko.

Floor file na kumapal in time dahil sa mga coaching logs para sa iba't-ibang bagay na ikaw lang ata ang may kayang gumawa.

"I don't believe that OI."

"It works for me..."

Bukas, mag-iiba na ang routine ko.
Ang lunch time ko na usually 8:30AM, definitely, mababago.
Ang schedule ng mga lunch buddy ko, bukas, mababago.
Kung dati, umiikot kay Aya at sayo kasama si Luv at Jai, bukas, baka iba na.

Bukas, mababawasan ang isa sa mga matinding rason kung bakit in spite of everything that's been happening to me at work, okay pa rin ako kahit papaano.

Bukas, masayang masaya ako.
Dahil sabi nga nila, dapat masaya ka para sa mga kaibigan mo.
Masaya ako dahil finally, you are getting what you deserve.
Finally, masasabi natin na may pag-asa pa pala.

Bukas, ang napakakapal na floor file mo, ibibigay ko na kay Mira.
Dahil bukas, magiging QA analyst ka na at mawawala ka na sa team ko.

Bukas, mawawalan ako ng isang floor file.
Bukas, sana floor file lang ang mawala.
Huwag pati makukulay na bagay na pwede mong i-share sa akin.

Bukas, gaya ng lagi kong sinasabi at sinusulat sayo... You will make me proud!

Today...

2008-10-17T12:48:00.000+08:00

...I found out that a very dear friend resigned effective immediately.

This may be for the best. I hope that you finally find what you're looking for.

I will surely miss...

...confiscating your clip/ rubber band everytime tinatali mo yung buhok mo after it was just rebonded.

...your tomboyish ways.

...the possiblity na iisa lang ang medyas na suot mo sa pagpasok mo sa office.

...your topak.

...excuse (reason) na masakit tyan mo everytime yayayain kita na umalis.

...your creativity (lalo na sa pag-decorate ng boards sa office).

...oreos (ar any food) straight from your pocket.

...pagiging makulit and pasaway.

Most of all, I will surely miss you.

First Time...

2008-10-16T13:03:00.000+08:00

... to eat at Amici.

The food wasn't THAT great. Probably because I was expecting for too much? Hmm. The gelato was okay. Pasta was okay. Pizza was okay.

Just okay.

+++++

...to read a book in just 3-4 hours.

Just like what Gladys said, I outdid myself this time, and yes, I am a freak. I loved Twilight right away! I loved the feeling of being so young, giddy and so in-love (even if it's with a vampire). I can only imagine how Edward looks like (if he exists).

Kaya naman we had to get the 3 remaining books the next day! I read Twilight last Saturday. I read New Moon and Eclipse the next day, Sunday. And I finished Breaking Dawn last Monday.

Oo, adik! And yes, naintindihan ko yung kwento.

+++++

…that someone from Starbucks spelled my name right.

Ma-an, with a dash.

Ano ba ang feeling ng WIN?

2008-10-12T06:09:00.000+08:00

Pumasok ako sa office kahapon na full of confidence. It’s our team’s third week on WIN. Sa mga hindi nakakaalam, WIN stands for W---- Improvement Notice. Otherwise known as Performance Improvement Plan. In short, dahil hindi kami umaabot sa target, we’re given 3 weeks to prove our worth. 3 weeks to prove na contrary to what our CSAT is saying, hindi po kami kamote. Na hindi kami naka-graduate sa kolehiyo nang ganun-ganun na lang. Na hindi man kami super talino, marunong at may alam kami kaya nga natanggap kami sa kumpanyang pinagtatrabahuhan namin. Na nung we were interviewed for the job, nakita nung recruitment specialist na we have “it”.

Pero sa kasamaang palad, sa industriya (at account) na kinabibilangan namin, “you’re only good as your last CSAT”. Kumbaga sa contest, wala sa criteria ang “efficiency and effectivity”, “leadership skills”, “initiative” at maski “behavior towards work”. Basta ang mahalaga, yung CSAT.

Di ko naman sila masisisi. Kasi sabi nga nila, bread and butter ng account and CSAT. Na sa tuwing hindi umaabot ang site sa goal, limpak limpak na dolyares ang binabayaran ng kumpanya sa client.

Anyway, yun na nga. I went to work feeling confident that this will be our team’s last week in agony. Na next week is a better week. Na next week, hindi na kami “WINner”.

Kaso hindi. Our team got a bad score which didn’t meet the goal. Wala naming scientific na explanation kung bakit nagkaganun. Kasi kung meron, matagal na naming ginamit yung scientific equation para mataas ang score namin at hindi kami under stress. Kaso nga wala. Ginawa naman naming yung dapat gawin. Kinausap at na-coach naman namin yung mga bangkero. Nag-3X3 naman kami. 5X5. Minsan nga, 10X10 pa. Nakabantay naman kami sa kanila. Kaso, kinapos e. Maghapon naman kaming naglalakad sa spine nila. Maski nga wala siguro akong scoliosis, sumasakit na likod ko e.

Hay, ano bang punto ko? Am I trying to make a point here?

Simple lang. Nakakabwisit lang isipin na sa lahat-lahat ng nagawa mo, sa CSAT ka lang titimbangin. Na maski perfect attendance at compliance ka, olats kas kung bagsak and CSAT mo. Na sa tinagal-tagal mong nagtatrabaho sa industriyang ito, ngayon ka lang ata mabibigyan ng warning (memo, award, red love letter). Sana nag-absent o nagpaka-late na lang ako ng bonggang bongga. At least pag ganun, alam ko mali ko. At oo, nagpakakamote ako!

Ngayon ang dasal ko lang is for God to give me strength. Mahirap yatang kumbinsihin ang labinlimang tao na kaya namin tapusin ang buwan na maayos maski deep inside, parang winashing-machine yung puso ko sa sakit dahil naiinis ako (dahil nga hindi ako, hindi kami kamote).

Hay. At isa pang malalim na buntong-hininga. Makapagyosi na nga.

PS.

Wala po akong intensyon na humanap ng gulo o argumento. I am simply ranting about what I am going through and what I am feeling. Kung nakaka-relate kayo, I hope it's nice for you to know na dalawa tayo. Kung sa tingin nyo mali ako, I appreciate your opinion. Salamat rin sa pagbasa.

Conversations with John Part IX

2008-10-06T11:15:00.000+08:00

It's 3PM and I haven't taken a bath yet. Asa room kami ni John, magka-embrace.

Nung maisipan ko nang maligo (finally)...

Me: Maliligo nako, I smell bad na.

John: It's okay.

Me: I will take a bath na kasi baho nako.

John: It's okay, maski taong grasa ka, love kita.

Awww... his sweetness will kill me. Imagine, i-compare ba naman ako sa taong grasa.

Sweet.

To Nicole with Love

2008-10-06T03:50:00.000+08:00

September 27, 2008

My BFF Nicole,

It has been 11 days since your birthday. I know it’s really late pero just the same, Belated Happy, happy Birthday. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko sa blog mo, I too was expecting for something during your birthday. Kaso, nag-leave ka so I guess, in a way, nagkalimutan na, nawalan na ng momentum.

But anyways, enough for the excuses. Di bale, one of these days, Aux 3 ko si kamoteng JC para matapos nya na yung card mo. Surprise pa rin naman yun kasi you don’t know kung kelan naming ibibigay. Relax lang, sila Gladys, TM and Iel nga, months in the making yung card nila. Huwag ka na magtampo. Busy na kasi mga tao. Iba naman kasi talaga when we were still in Transition. Mas maluwag ang time kasi maraming time.

For the almost two years (tama ba?) na I’ve known you, I’ve come to really appreciate you. And I guess, sometimes, I see myself in you. Lalo na when it comes to your passion in keeping friendships alive. You and I have the same sentiments when it comes to friendship. Oo, pareho tayong loyal na friend. At pareho tayong umaasa (subconsciously) na ganun din ang pagtingin sa atin ng mga friends natin. Kaya nga maarte at madrama tayong dalawa. Ewan ko ba. E anong magagawa natin, big deal sa atin ang friendship.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that you and I are so alike when it comes to these things that I don’t have to explain myself. Isang salita pa lang, gets mo na. And that’s what I really like about you.

Tama si John, you are in a way, my bestfriend. Kas lagi kang andyan for me. The same way na I always try to be here for you. You are honest with me, the same way na I am with you. Well, sabi nga nila, sa sobrang layo ng tingin ko, I take for granted those who are right under my nose. But not anymore.

Thank you for the gift of friendship.

Thank you for being you (who’s just like me!). J

PS.

When I saw this Hello Kitty charm, I knew right away na it’s for you. Kasi may stars. Haha.

The Bridges of Madison County – this is the closest I can find na may Meryl Streep éclat

Laugheteria – kasi I know, we’ll be sharing more laughters. Haha.

XOXO,

Your BFF Paris

I was Tagged!

2008-10-05T09:33:00.000+08:00

I am tagging She-Anne, She', Jovee and Burn.

1. This game starts with 6 weird things about you.
2. People who got tagged need to write a blog entry of their own 6 weird things. (its fun promise:P)
3. They should as well state this rule clearly.
4. In the end, you need to choose 6 people to be tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave a comment that says “you are tagged” in their comments and tell them to read your blog.

1. I always wear my watch in my right wrist.

2. I always wear my bracelets in my left wrist. (Para alam ko kung asan ang kaliwa -- hence the term Kaliwacelet).

3. I treat dogs, my bags, slippers and shoes like human beings. I name my bags, slippers and crocs. And magkakapamilya sila. If they have the same design, magkapatid sila. If they're the same brand, magpinsan sila.
Example:
RL bags - lahat sila magkakamag-anak
Plaid designs - magkakapatid
RL logo designs - pinsan nung mga plaid

4. My feet are unusually small. Hindi siya proportional sa body weight ko. Kaya naman madali akong matalisod.

5. I can't sleep without my security blanket. Maski super gutay-gutay na sya, hindi pwedeng hindi sya naka-roll na yakap ko.

6. Sabi ni John, when I'm asleep, may sariling buhay paa ko. Kumakaskas sya sa kumot or paa nya habang tulog ako.

Conversations with John VIII

2008-09-25T11:42:00.000+08:00

While channel surfing, we came across One Tree Hill.

Yung scene is nag-aaway yung mag-asawa (don't ask me their names, I'm not a fan) and they didn't realize na their kid was playing near the pool. Nung nalaglag yung ball sa pool, the kid tried to reach for it kaya nalaglag sya sa tubig.

At dahil hindi nga ako fan, nilipat ko yung channel.

John: Chi, ano nangyari? Nalunod ba?

Me: Hindi po. Dinura nya yung tubig na kinain nya.

John: Hmm... dinura nya yung tubig na kinain nya?

Huwat?

We are really a crazy couple.

Invitations and Commitment

2008-09-23T12:15:00.000+08:00

INVITATIONS

Jai is always telling me how it's "nice to be invited" regardless whether you can attend the party or not.

And I now second the motion.

Maski alam natin na malaking ang chance na hindi ako makakapunta, sana inimbita nyo naman ako. Kasi sa pagkakaalam ko, inimbita ko kayo. Pero ang sabi nyo, wala kayong pera kaya hindi kayo pwede.

At wag mo sasabihin na wala kayong ginastos sa kung saan man kayo pumunta. Ano yun, sumabit kayo sa jeep at nag-123? Sumakay kayo sa magic carpet?

Wala?!

COMMITMENTS

Some people may have issues with commitments. Siguro dahil mahirap. Parang walang freedom. Mahirap sa diskarte.

Pero ang alam ko kasi, kapag magkaibigan, it's not considered a commitment. It's more of an understanding.

E siguro ako lang ang nag-isip na kaibigan ko kayo.

Malamang nga.

*****

Sa totoo lang, abot hanggang langit ang tampo ko. Actually, early this morning, tampo lang talaga. Habang papalalim na ang araw, parang naiinis at nabwibwisit na rin ako.

Wala naman kasing nagsabi sa kin na tratuhin ko kayo ng special at i-consider ko kayo na friends. It was my decision. At dapat, hindi ako nag-expect.

Dahil ang friendship, gaya ng love, hindi naipipilit.

Conversations WIth John Part VII

2008-09-20T13:02:00.000+08:00

A few days ago, I asked John kung ano mas bagay na hati ng buhok ko. Sa side or sa gitna.

John: "E di kung nasaan yung puyo mo."

Me: "E nasan po ba?"

And so, for the past two days, hinahanap nya yung puyo ko.

On the third day...

Me: "Nakita mo na po?"

John: "Di ko makita e, wala ka yatang puyo."

Me: "Pwede ba yun?"

John: "Ay, eto pala (sabay turo sa noo ko)."

Hala. Para matahimik lang ako.

I therefore conclude na ang puyo ko ay ang noo ko.

Alive and Kicking...

2008-09-07T06:24:00.000+08:00

I haven't been blogging for quite a while. Siguro dahil wala namang kaganapan sa buhay ko. Nothing much to rejoice about, except that buhay pa naman ako and that's that.

STILL ALIVE...

A month ago, I thought I'll never gonna make it. It was as if I underwent a surgery. Parang may inalis sa kin na sobrang importante and I just can't imagine living without it.

Hirap explain, pero sige, try ko.

How would you feel if somebody takes out your right hand (take note, hindi ka kaliwete ha). How would you write? Hmmm... mahirap diba? At first, iisipin mo, di mo kaya.

Or what if inalis yung nose mo, pero bomb-sniffing dog ka?

Hehe. Hirap diba?

That's what I thought and felt when they told me that I would no longer be handling the Transition Team.

I felt na it's over. Like I've nothing else to live for (in terms of office life, that is). I was overwhelmed with the fact na I've been with this team for the longest time and I am now losing them.

Akala ko nga that would be the end of it e.

I'm made of a sturdier stuff pala. Buti na lang.

AND KICKING...

I can say that I've adjusted well in Production. Less pressure. Less stress. Less work for me. Minsan lang, nakaka-miss yung ma-hagard with work. More than anything else, I truly miss the team I worked with.

May kanya-kanyang buhay na kami. True. But it's nice to know na regardless of our schedules, nothing and nobody can take away the special bond that we have. I'm happy knowing na they're my friends. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm happy with my production team. We ended August quite well. I hope in time, we'll kick everyone's butts and be number one!

*****

Grabe, it's September! I remember reading somewhere na Christmas starts in the Philippines during the BER months. Hmmm... malapit na ulit and pasko!

I'm supposed to be walking the aisle with the man I'm destined to be with this December. Due to certain events, we've decided to move the wedding date. Wala pang definite na date for now. We will get there, I know. I just hope it's soon.

June seems to be a good month for a wedding. Plus, June is our birth month. Hmmm... We'll see.

Basta for now, all I can say is malapit na ulit ang Christmas.

Made in China

2008-09-03T11:37:00.000+08:00

Conversations with John Part VI

2008-08-18T15:36:00.000+08:00

On our way to Starbucks 6750 last night, nilambing ko si John at inakap ng mahigpit na mahigpit yung tummy nya. At sa sobrang higpit, nasaktan siya.

Sa sobrang sakit...

John: Ouch, p********!

Ma-an: That's bad had. Why are you myura me? (in Tagalog, Masama yan ha. Bakit mo ko minumura?)

Ahaha. Galing ko talaga.

Word of the day, myura.

Kabaligtaran ng myahal?

Myehehe. Corny.

Feeling Nanay si Taklesa

2008-07-31T23:09:00.000+08:00

Feeling ko ngayon, para akong ina na iniwan ng mga anak nya...

Naks, drama. Pero it's true. For the past months na I was handling the Transition Team, maski ayaw ko man at forever idedeny ko, I felt like the mom in the team. Funny kasi I always think na wala akong motherly instinct.

Anyway, I feel a bit sad kasi parang wala na sila lahat. Ganun pala feeling ng mga nanay kapag umaalis na mga anak. Nakaka-relate ako ha.

At gaya ng ibang mga anak na alam mo namang andyan lang (marahil nag-aaral ng college or nagtatrabaho), iba rin talaga ang feeling.

Andyan lang sila pero iba.

Hala. Drama.

*****

Isa na siguro sa mga pangit na ugali ko is yung pagiging taklesa ko. Kung may tindang tact sa 7-11 or Mini Stop, malamang bumili na ko ng sampung kilo.

Lahat may opinyon sa lahat ng bagay pero hindi lahat ready marinig ang mga opinyon na ito. Kaya minsan, shumat-up ka na lang. Pumunta sa badmintunan at makipagtxtan sa mga kaibigan. O kaya, pumunta sa office at i-qa ang mga bangkero mo.

O kaya naman, mag-blog ka na lang.

This too Shall Pass

2008-07-22T07:11:00.000+08:00

Hindi na ako ang hahawak sa Transition Team. Ang team na kasama ko for the longest time. Just like that.

Iniisip ko na lang, may magandang rason, may importanteng dahilan at siguro, matinding pangangailangan. Di ko man ma-gets sa ngayon, sana in time, maintindihan ko.

Gustuhin ko man na magdrama, after a day or two, I know, lilipas rin 'to. Ang mga bayani nga, nakakalimutan e. Ang isang tulad ko pa kaya?

No matter how sad I am. No matter how devastated I feel. No matter how consumed I may become because of this issue... the world won't stop for me. Tuloy and ikot ng mundo. Tuloy ang pagkagutom ng mga bata sa Africa. Tuloy sa paghihikahos ang karamihan sa mga Pilipino. Tuloy ang pagtaas ng presyo ng langis at mga bilihin. Tuloy lang ang lahat. Tuloy ang laban.

Buhay pa naman ako. Yan ang importante. I can sleep soundly at night knowing na wala akong inagrabyado.

Wala lang 'to sa karera ng buhay.

At gaya ng laging kong sinasabi lalo na for the past few days, This too shall pass.

PS. Madrama rin pala talaga ako.

Conversations with John Part V

2008-06-25T22:27:00.000+08:00

Warning:

Not advisable for those who has very active imagination. After reading this, you may not look at John the same way again. You've been warned!

On our way home the other day...

John: Chi, I think I wore your panty by mistake. Ang sikip kasi ng brief ko.

Me: (with murderous look on my face) Ha?

John: (after realizing na mapapatay ko sya) Joke lang po.

When we were finally home, John took off his pants.

Lo and behold, and tatak ng supposedly "brief" nya is Avon.

Me: (shouting) Chi! May brief ka ba na Avon ang tatak?!

John: (sheepishly but laughing so hard) Talaga? Di nga. Pahiram lang e. Damot mo naman.

Waaah. I knew it. May tendency si John na maging bakla. It starts out with the panties you know.

Conversations with John Part IV

2008-06-24T21:59:00.000+08:00

One afternoon on our way to the office, we heard Joey Pepe Smith's radio ad for Red Horse beer.

Me: Chi, si Joey Pepe Smith yun?

John: Oo no. Magaling yan mag-english, american accent pa.

Me: Ah, talaga.

John: Oo. Pwede nga yang mag-trabaho sa call center e.

(Toink. )

Happy Birthday to Me! Part II

2008-06-16T19:41:00.000+08:00

My birthday last year was a blast. John proposed to me in Baguio. It was one of the happiest days of my life.

I thought that my birthday this year would just be normal. Konting handaan sa office then dinner with John and some of my friends. This was what I was thinking. I was never a fan of my birthday. Ever since, my birthday is nothing but an ordinary day. Nothing festive and noisy. It’s just a quiet day with my cellphone beeping every once in a while for the birthday messages from friends and relatives who re

membered.

June 13, 2008

We had dinner with Jovee and Burn at Friday's. Pre-birthday celebration ko. I'm super happy kasi the last time I saw Burn was last year pa. Yung mga pagkakataon na ganito, I truly treasure kasi very seldom lang mangyari.

Mas magaan na rin sa loob ko sa mga bagay-bagay. It would only complicate things if I try to come up with the reason. Basta, thankful na lang ako at hoepful. Thankful dahil finally, medyo nakumpleto kami at I was with two of my best guy friends and hopeful na sana, maulit pa ito.

June 14, 2008.

I would definitely remember this date.

My team made sure na I felt special and loved. They came up with a presentation. First was yung mini-skit and dance number nila.Nakakatuwa. Gayang-gaya nila ko and si John. Ganun pala talaga yun no. Kapag mahal mo and isang tao, lahat na rin ng mga mahal nya, nagiging mahal mo at special sayo. Kaya naman extra si John sa powerpoint presentation nila.

I feel so blessed.

I am lucky to have my friends and John.

I think somehow, I did something right. Why else would God give me such great blessings and gifts?

Conversations with John Part III

2008-06-12T17:26:00.000+08:00

Backgrounder: John's friend had to buy some car stuffs at Banawe and spent an X amount of money.

Me: To think na Banawe na yun a. Mahal pa rin.

John: Why, do you know where Banawe is?

Me: Of course! I used to be from La Loma!

John: Really? La Loma? Kaya pala you're mataba.

(Trying to get even for the Beauty and the Beast thing?)

Happy Birthday to Me!

2008-06-06T17:00:00.000+08:00

Conversations with John

2008-06-04T16:51:00.000+08:00

While watching PBB (ahaha, o sige na, while we were channel surfing)...

Beauty ang name nung isa sa mga housemates.

John: Chi, beauty daw.

Me: Yes, that's me. I'm beauty.

John: Okay, okay. If you're beauty, who am I?

Me: Beast. We're Beauty and the Beast.

Sick and Tired but still Happy

2008-05-29T19:21:00.000+08:00

SICK…

I’ve been sick since last week.

Well, I tried weathering it through last week. I had cough, colds and finally fever. And this week, I have Urinary Tract Infection. I know, too much Coke. And to think that I’ve been drinking more water lately as compared to when I’m not sick, ha! UTI! After 2-3 glasses of water a day compared to a droplet or two like two-three weeks ago? Amazing.

AND TIRED…

Don’t people ever get tired celebrating other people’s misery and unhappiness? I’m not trying to be self-righteous or what but one thing I can say about myself is I know when to stop.

*****

There was an episode in the office two weeks ago that may have contributed to me not feeling too well and eventually, sick.

They can all rant for all they want. I know I’m doing my job and I’m not doing anything wrong. As long as I know that I’m not hurting anyone in any form, then I can sleep soundly at night.

*****

I’d be Happy If…

… I have a fatter paycheck. Fatter than my non-existent waistline! Hah!

… I can get a copy of Shadow Dance. I’ve been to Powerbooks and National Bookstore for the past few weeks, it’s always sold out. This better be worth the wait.

... I can have another massage at Mandala Spa. I’ve been getting the regular massage from our regular spa every two weeks. This time, I want something special.

… I can celebrate my birthday (and John’s) differently. How different, no idea.

… I can rekindle old friendships with some HS friends. Four years. And to lose contact for this long is just a waste. I’m hoping that the gap isn’t too wide to bridge. We may have different sets of priorities now but heck, we were all friends for 4 freaking years! It won’t be too hard to look for something to look back and laugh at.

… Chris Brown would visit Manila. I am now officially hooked on him. OA na kung OA pero he’s now officially my crush. You can only imagine how many times I watch his videos in youtube.

… I can have an iced-cold Coke right this minute. At dahil may sakit ako, ilang araw na akong hindi nakakainom ng Coke.

And last but not the least,

I’d be deliriously Happy…

… I can finally resume planning the wedding of my dreams.

On Broken Hearts...

2008-05-15T13:58:00.000+08:00

How can a love that lasted for 6 years end just like that? How can the person you love the most just cheat on you just like that? If I knew the answers, I’d definitely tell you.

I know you’ve been asking yourself the same questions for the past few days.

All I know is that it sucks big time. Time becomes irrelevant. Whether you’ve been together for 6 years or 6 months, it’s the same $hit.

I hope God guides you well. This won’t be easy, that’s for sure. You’ve been through a lot and I know you’ll weather this out.

It’s highly unlikely that you read this. But just the same, here’s what I have for you.

Heal. Gaya nga ng sinabi ko sayo, the wound may be too painful for now. Just deal with the pain and allow yourself to heal. It’ easier said than done. It’s a process. You are not pressured to come up with a decision now. Otherwise, the decision will most likely be solely based on your emotions. Hayaan mong matuyo yung sugat. After that, that’s when you decide if you’d undergo the surgery, have a tattoo or just let it be.

Love is good. And it should make you feel good. If you are in pain, then maybe it’s not love at all.

He may have loved you. Maybe he still loves you. But I assure you, it’s not the good-kind-of-love which he may have had 6 or 5 years ago. If it were the same love, do you think he’ll have an affair in the first place?

Help yourself. If you think forgetting him would help you move on, then help yourself. Checking his Friendster account every minute won’t help you at all. Listening to your theme song would just most likely remind you of him. I thought you’re trying to forget him?

Your family will always love and accept you no matter what. You may have taken them for granted when you were so in-love. I’m sure it wasn’t intentional. You were just too in-love. And now’s the time to thank them for always being there for you.

Last, but not the least… your friends will always be here for you. Contrary to what he was telling you all this time, your friends will never leave you. Enough said.

Plans, plans...

2008-04-28T16:38:00.000+08:00

John and I are planning to go back to the beach house with mama and perhaps, some members of the clan. Makapagbakasyon naman siya.

We can stay at the beach house siguro for two days. Before going back to Manila, we can visit Zoobic.

It has been a while since I went out of town with my family.

When I was growing up, I always spend my summer vacation in the province. Yup, probinsyana ako and I’m proud of it.

Naka-miss nga e. Those were the days.

*****

Civil Wedding? The suggestion has merits. I am googling the requirements as I am writing this. Okay naman. While waiting for the church wedding, pwede naman na magpa-civil wedding muna kami.

*****

I'm at a point where I am seriously considering things that I wouldn’t have thought of doing a month or week ago.

I am starting to explore what’s outside of my comfort zone.

I wouldn't want to go through life with a lot of what-ifs.

E baka naman kasi may magandang naghihintay na kinabukasan sa iba diba?

Vacation Mode

2008-04-24T14:02:00.000+08:00

Finally! Nakapag-out of town trip na kami ni John.

We went to Monetemar over the weekend. Super saya. We were with my HS besties. Super bitin pero just the same, I had so much fun.

Next plan namin is makabalik sana sa Bora. Sana... I am keeping my fingers crossed.

*****

Super bitin ang bakasyon namin. I'm still in vacation mode. Parang ayoko na ngang bumalik sa office e. Heheh.

The team can manage on their own naman yata kaya carry lang.

*****

As I'm writing thism pinapanood ko si Piolo and Juday.

Mukhang maganda sa Sagada. Kung mabubuhay lang sana ko sa ganung environment.

Hanggang pictures at TV na lang siguro ako.

Not this December...

2008-04-13T17:39:00.000+08:00

It’s not gonna happen in December.

I've been repeating this phrase to myself for the past few weeks thinking that by doing so, I would have better chances of accepting it.

No matter how valid the reason may be, I am still having a hard time grasping the realization that I won’t be walking down the aisle in December.

I've been putting this off since I found out about it.

The moment John told me that we may have to push our wedding date, I just had to see my best friends. I had hard time breathing and I know, seeing them and talking to them would somehow alleviate the pain I am feeling.

I am still reeling from the shock.

I am still trying to get over the gut-wrenching pain.

I am still trying to validate the reason.

I am still trying to deal with it.

I am trying.

And God knows I am failing.

*****

This doesn't make me love John any less. I love him. What gets me going is the fact that regardless, whether it's not going to be this December, it's bound to happen.

I will walk down the aisle towards the man I want to spend the rest of my life with.

It may not be in December.

But it's going to be soon.

If Only...

2008-03-19T18:44:00.000+08:00

IF ONLY

When you work in a call center and you're a customer service representative, you do your best to deliver on what the customer wants. You give excellent customer service. That's the reason for your being. Kasama na rin dito yung taking ownership of the situation. Maski pa ang linya ni customer is "the person I spoke with told me...". You don't jump in and say na it was that person's mistake and you've nothing to do with it.

Bottomline is, it's your call now. Therefore, you deal with it. Undo what can be undone and rectify the mistakes made by the previous representative.

It just irritates me when people start getting historical and put the blame on others.

Mga taong MEMA. MEMAsabi and MEMASISI lang.

It would always be a viscious cycle.

If only you can do it right the first time around. Walang maninisi at walang masisisi.

If only.

*****

Marso na at wala pang solid na nagyayari sa wedding preparations namin ni John.

I'm not sure kung dapat akong maging kalmado knowing na we are planning to get the package at the Manor which would take care of almost everything.

Hay. Procastinating is not good.

Loyalty and Summer

2008-03-17T11:42:00.000+08:00

My weekend was uneventful. We just stayed at home. John is still feeling under the weather pero he eats a lot na ulit which means na he is definetely better.

ON LOYALTY

May isang incident sa office which got me thinking. Bottomline is, was I asking for too much? At gaya nga ng sinabi ni Karen, parang tinanong ko nga ba silang tumalon sa bangin?

Hmm... basta ang masasabi ko lang is loyalty, just like respect, is earned. It can't be bought nor demanded.

Buti pa yung loyalty card sa Artwork, madaling ma-earn. Worth Php 2000 lang.

SUMMER NA

I think it's officially summer. Super init na kasi and mahal na araw na. For me kasi, yan ang mga senyales na bakasyon na. Unfortunately though, may pasok kami this Holy Week. Akala ko pa naman makakapagpahinga ako ng kahit konti. Yung pahingang asa isang lugar para makapag-unwind at hindi yung pahingang napilitan ka dahil inaapoy ka na sa lagnat at nagdodoble na paningin mo sa hilo.

Hay, the not-so-good side of working in a call center.

Summer na. Asa akin pa rin yung mga Christmas gifts ko for Karen and Burn. Kelan ko kaya sila makikita (e kelan nga ba?). E baka naman abutin na naman hanggang next Christmas.

I am looking forward to going either in Boracay, Panglao or Dumaguete this April. Kelangan matuloy. Hindi pwedeng hindi. I need to feel the sand. I need to be in the beach. I need to rest and relax. Tao rin naman ako na napapagod at kailangang magpahinga.

Conversations With John (Episode 1 03.14.08)

2008-03-14T19:26:00.000+08:00

Para may idea kayo kung pano ang conversations between John and me:

Me: Chi, sa 30^th birthday ko, bili mo ko ng ring ha. Kas I will be sad kasi I’m old na. 30 is old.

John: Kelan ba 30^th birthday mo?

Me: Next next year.

John: E diba 1979 ka?

(Me counting, 79, 80, 81, 82… blah blah.)

John: E you’re 28 na.

Me: Kaya nga po, next year na pala.

(John hampas unan si Ma-an)

At eto pa...

John: Gusto mo ng ring na malaki? Sige, civil wedding tayo, bigyan kita ng 1 carat na ring. Kung gusto mo 2 carats pa. Magsawa ka sa carat mo.

Me: Gawin mong 3 carats, we have a deal!

(John hampas unan si Ma-an)

John: Hindi mo na pinahalagahan ang kasal. Mukha kang carat!

At natawa naman ako sa sarili ko... Hahaha.

John's Visit to Makati Med

2008-03-13T13:36:00.000+08:00

I was sick last week. Nahawa ko ata si John. He has been sick since Sunday. His fever has been on and off. And he's having a hard time breathing.

And so we decided to go to Makati Med to have his check-up. At first, we were told na he might have pneumonia. He's wheezing na kasi. Or so we thought. He had an xray and fortunately, it's not pneumonia. It's just Upper Respiratoty Tract Infection.

I was keen on having him admitted kung sakali man na he has pneumonia nga. Medyo nagpapanic na rin ako habang naka-nebulizer sya.

He's never sick kasi. In fact, between the two of us, ako talaga ang lampa at sakitin. I am always in and out of Makati Med. Kaya I was a bit scared sa totoo lang. He is the one always taking care of me and ako talaga ang dependent sa kanya. I was starting to picture na nga as how I'm going to take care of him, if ever.

It was an eye opening experience for me. It only but proved na I don't want anything bad happening to John. Di ko kakayanin.

Kaya naman I remembered a conversation that we had siguro a year ago.

John: Chi, ano gagawin mo pag may sakit ako.

Me: E di aalagaan kita.

John: E pano kung may taning na buhay ko?

Me: E di magpapakamatay ako para mauna na ko sayo.

I know... morbid. Pero most likely, e ganun nga gawin ko.

Hay, buti na lang.
God is good talaga.

I hope he gets better soon.

I don't mind taking care of him, basta wala syang sakit.

Love You Chi!

Happy Birthday Sheryl Anne!

2008-03-10T08:38:00.000+08:00

Here's to one of my besfriends....

Happy, Happy Birthday Sheryl-Anne!

You're one great person, hot momma and a TRUE friend.

We wish you all the happiness in the world.

We LOVE you!

Soundtripping while Sick

2008-03-10T08:26:00.000+08:00

I lie awake thinking of a lot of things. I am, again, at a point where I’m having an Olympic mental debate with myself, thinking of what-ifs. I don’t have an idea as to what triggered this emotional state. It may have been the medicine I’m taking for my fever. It may have been the songs in my ipod. I’ve been sick for the past few days and John has been exerting all his effort to keep me confined in the room. Since I’ve nothing left to do, I realized, may ipod pala ako. Ahaha.

And so here goes my sound tripping…

If ever you’re in my Arms Again, It Might Be you

Tag: The X files.

Song which reminds me of my ex. Selective Amnesia mode. I choose to remember all the good things between us. After all, this is my post and we’re now friends. Now, who stay friends with their exes? No one. Nada. Zilch. Wala. Hmmm… are we really friends then? E naku, off to the new tag.

Songs by Josh Groban and Christian Bautista

Tag: Emo

Aside from the fact that I am a huge fan, I’m in my emo-est (imbento!) stage when I’m trippin’ with their songs.

Songs by Beyonce, Rihanna, Chris Brown, Fergie, Jojo, Paula de Anda and Nicole Z.

Tag: beach mode

Songs I’d most likely listen to while I’m sunbathing, smoking, drinking ice cold Coke.

*****

I've been sick the past few days. I've been going home late kasi and kaunti na lang rest ko. Age is taking it's toll.

It has been one crazy week.

If I'm busy saving 13 @sses, who saves mine?

I can only do so much and take the heat for some time. If I reach the saturation point, what then?

(Belated) Happy Birthday She'

2008-03-02T09:37:00.000+08:00

It's a day late... I know.

Just the same, I wanna greet you a (belated) Happy, happy Birthday!

She', we've been friends since fourth grade. I never would've thought that our friendship would last this long.

You stand out in the class kasi. Ako, I'm always asked to stand at the back of the classroom kasi maingay ako.

You're a singer. And I'd like to think na I'm a dancer.

We're ebony and ivory (ahaha).

We've come a long, long way.

I'm so looking forward to the rest of our journey.

I love you She'.

I'm proud to say that indeed, you are one of my bestest best friends.

American Idol and B(W)itch

2008-02-27T16:27:00.000+08:00

My AI Idols

David Archuleta- I saw the video clip where he sang for Kelly Clarkson. I was impressed

Ramiele Malubay- Not just because she's Pinay, for me she's good.

But of course, this is what I think. It's not as if I am the best person in authority when it comes to singing. Ehem. I like to sing but singing doesn't like me.

*****

Grabe, super bilis talaga ng panahon. Summer na naman. Wish ko lang I can file for a leave and go to the beach.

Status Message: This b(w)itch is itching to hit the beach!

Me and My Lakwatserang Feet

2006-09-13T19:02:00.000+08:00

Sabi ni John, lakwatsera daw ako kasi may nunal ako sa paa.

O sige na, lakwatsera na kung lakwatsera.

Kaya nga excited ako sa lakad ko on Friday e.

I'm going to Glorietta. I'm planning to look for a couple of books. Wish ko lang meron sa Powerbooks or maski sa National Bookstore. For the longest time, I've been looking for Slow Burn (Julie Garwood) and Every Breath You Take (Judith Mcnaught). Then I found out na may new release si Julie, Shadow Dance. I hope I get lucky finding these books.

I'm going to have dinner with my high school besties. Well, actually, yung isa di pa sigurado. I just hope she makes it. Seems like we've got lots of catching up to do.

For Saturday, no plans as of yet. Di ko sure kung tuloy yung appointment namin for a massage. After that, watch siguro ng movie. Last week ko pa gustong manood ng The Devil Wears Prada. (We went to La Union and Baguio last weekend kasi).

Sunday, anything goes. Bahala na kung saan ako dalhin ng mga paa ko.

See, I'm not much of a lakwatsera naman pala.

'later

Buhay Pa Naman Ako...

2006-09-10T05:01:00.000+08:00

It's been a while.

Sa mga nagtatanong, buhay pa naman ako. Contrary to the rumors, hindi po ako pumunta or pupunta sa Japan para maging dancer. Lol. I'm still very much here in my beloved 'Pinas.

Sa mga nagtatanong, I am doing good. Still adjusting but very much fine naman po.

Sa mga na-miss ako, na-mi-miss ko na rin kayo. One of these days, I'll get my schedule fixed and I will let you guys know. Magkikita-kits rin tayo soon.

I found out that one of my friends is now pregnant. She migrated to the States with her husband and they've been married for almost 5 years now (I hope I'm right on this). I've always believed that life is always about making choices. She probably made the biggest one when she decided to get married and live in another country. I think it's different if Pinoy rin mapapangasawa mo kasi in a way, pareho kayo. Unlike if you're marrying a foreigner, kasi it's gonna be another culture na you have to accept and adjust to. I'm sure she never regretted that one big decision she made cos it's very evident that she's having the time of her life.

I am so happy that she shared this good news to me. I'm sure she'll make a great mom. I wish her all the best.

I read in a friend's blog that finally, she is ready to tie the knot. Nakakatuwa lang kasi a couple of weeks back, we were reminiscing about our past so-called mistakes. Yung ex nya nad ex ko are actually the best of friends. We agreed na it was a blessing in disguise that we didn't end up with these exes. Had it been na we're still with these guys, life won't be the same.

I wouldn't meet John and my friend won't be tying the knot with the man she's destined to be with.

Period.

It's almost a year since she passed away.

Sorry kung di ko matandaan yung date ha, I hope you don't take this against me. That date is something na I wouldn't like to mark on my calendar, pero promise, yung birthday mo, naka-marka pa rin sa planner at calendar ng phone ko.

I choose to remember you as the friend na hindi ko naman talaga ka-close and yet, I didn't have problems sharing my burdens with you. I didn't have problems being true with you kasi alam ko, maiintindihan mo ako.

You are missed.

Yung mga kaibigan na namatay na, kadalasan, namimiss natin.

E pano naman yung mga buhay na buhay pa pero super sa deadma, tinalo pa yung nasa kabilang buhay na?

Ako, sa umpisa, namimiss ko din sila. I even try to come up with ways para magparamdam ulit sila. Minsan pa nga, may pagka-paranoid pa ako. Iniisip ko, I may have done something wrong kaya di na sila nagpaparamdam. At syempre pa, with that in my mind, mega sorry naman ako. Kaso, etong si friend (kuno), deadma pa rin. Aba, that's the time naman na I realize na, teke, teka, I don't think is my fault. Oo paranoid ako, pero ikaw, ano ka?

Buhay na buhay ka pa pero tinalo mo pa sila na wala na kung mang-deadma.

Gaya nila, ipagdarasal na nga lang din kita.

Hay.

Done with the training. Production, here we come.

'till later...

I Miss...

2006-08-26T12:01:00.000+08:00

...blogging and net surfing. I wish I have all the time in the world. Who would have thought that just 3 weeks ago, I was getting paid to surf the net and bum around.

...hanging out with my cousins in our province. Deep down inside, may promdi side ako, I know! When I was in High School, I'd rather go home to the province than be stuck in Manila. I had my fair share of prusisyons and sagalas. Eating bibingka and barbeque in front of the church after a Sunday afternoon mass. Eating Indian mangoes on top of the roof (and I must say, I had the hardest time of climbing up that darned tree!) The wantusawa ghost stories in the bukid (my mamang and papang's house in the well... bukid). Argh... I'd give up anything just to be back in those days.

...hanging out with my FRIENDS. Be it those my Highschool Bestfriends or my HSBC friends. Heck, pati na rin Bangags. I miss chillin' out with them. I miss their kwentos and chismises. I miss them... a lot!

...having a vacation. Gawd, last time I took one was last May lang. Seems like ages ago. I want to unwind. I want to go somewhere. Kahit saan. Soon.

I know that there's a lot that I've been missing. Oblivious lang siguro ako at this time dahil I am so occupied.

At gaya nga nung kanta, Late at night when all the world is sleeping... I'd come up with all those things that I am missing. And when I have the time, idadagdag ko dito. *wink wink

***

We went to Mall of Asia last Sunday. I didn't enjoy my first visit. Siguro dahil super daming tao and I didn't now where to look for what. Give it more time and I'm sure, it'll grow in me.

***

I was watching ASAP's tribute to Apo Hiking Society last Sunday and I can't help but be emotional when the three sang "San na nga ba". Oh well, emotional naman talaga ako forever pero I was really teary eyed during their production number. Nakakaantig naman kasi talaga.

Later!

I'd Rather...

2006-08-10T09:00:00.000+08:00

I'd Rather.

Another product of another unproductive day at the office.

I'd rather eat at Tony Roma's than Melo's. The price is almost the same pero the taste is world's apart. Based on experience ha.

I'd rather use Pantene than Creamsilk. Mas hiyang kasi buhok ko e.

I'd rather spend more buying Havs than buy those cheaper slippers. Kasi naman bad experience for me. May nabili nga ko na slip on na super mura (100 pesoses lang) kaso naman, nasugat paa ko. Kainis! Never ulit na bili ako ng hindi Havaianas.

I'd rather be with one person that I trust than with a bunch of people na fake naman lahat! In times of trouble or happiness, mas gusto ko na kasama yung tao na I'm very open with. I wouldn't fear exposing myself nor sharing too much. No questions asked, that person will take me as I am. What will I do with a group of people na puro pretensions, baka mabwisit lang ako.

I'd rather have an engagement with THE ring than engaged agad muna then the ring is to follow. Haller! Sabihin nyo na na materialistic ako, siguro nga (pero hindi naman talaga). E gusto ko ng engagement ring e. I've been dreaming of that since bata pa ako. No ring, no engagement. Tapos.

I'd rather be the one who got away than the one who let go. For me, parang mas masakit yung latter. I'm the type of person na mas mauunang umalis kesa maiwan sa wala. I dunno. Self preservation perhaps?

I'd rather drink a not-so-cold Coke than an iced cold Pepsi (or Iced tea or kung ano pa man).

I'd rather have coffee somewhere than to a crowded bar with friends. This way, mas madali at mas masarap makipagkwentuhan.

I'd rather buy a cheaper item na okay naman ang design and quality than buy a designer something na super exorbitant ang price.

I'd rather have a so-so wedding with the man of my dreams than have the wedding of my dreams with a so-so man.

I'd rather be harsh and be honest than be a hypocrite and sugarcoat something na unacceptable naman. If I'm gonna be labeled bruha (or maldita, or kung ano man) because of that, so be it at least honest ako.

I'd rather clean the toilet and wash the dishes than clean the house.

I'd rather watch CSI Las Vegas than CSI Miami. Di ko type dramatic charcter ni Horacio e.

I'd rather dip my spam to mayonnaise than catsup.

I'd rather go to Disneyland Hong Kong than Boracay next summer.

I'd rather have a dog than a cat for a pet.

I'd rather have a liposuction than a nose job. Mas ok na pango ako basta may bewang. Lol.

Lastly, I'd rather be this Ma-an than any other Ma-an. I wouldn't have myself any other way. Hahaha. Ü

Sana...

2006-08-07T13:59:00.000+08:00

Sana...

Sana walang maging problema sa mga requirements ko.

Sana maging happy ako doon.

Sana maganda yung sked na ibibigay nila sa kin. Sana may weekend off.

Sana the people there are friendly.

Sana I can understand you more. Ang weird mo naman kasi. Minsan ikaw nag-p-promise. Sinasabihan mo pa ko na gisingin kita lalo na pag weekends kung may lakad naman tayo. When I wake you up naman, sinasabihan mo ko na sana intindihin kita na wala ka pang tulog. E di ba ikwa nagsabi na gisingin kita in the first place? Ang labo mo.

Sana makapunta ko ng Baguio next month or next next month. I need to unwind.

Sana pumayat nako. Maski di ako gumagawa ng effort para pumayat. Lol.

Sana makumpleto ko na yung mga books na gusto ko.

Sana madagdagan collection ko ng bags and Havs. Kelan kaya ulit kami punta ng Greenhills? Hmm...

Sana mahimbing tulog ko later.

A Step Closer...

2006-08-06T18:43:00.000+08:00

I want to write something witty but words escape me.

Siguro it's better if I just write from the heart. Anyhow, I'm not writing to impress someone or win a Pulitzer or something. I just wanna share what I feel right now.

Yesterday, I went to meet up some of my high school best friends. First fitting daw ng gowns kasi I'm one of the bridesmaids sa wedding nung isa in March. Sure, I wanna see the designs but I'm not too happy about them measuring my bust line and my non-existent waistline (seriously, where'd it go? ).

Anyhow, I realized, this isn't about me. It's about a step closer to one of my besfriend's dream coming true. This means that finally, she's gonna have the wedding of her dreams. Kasi nga, sukatan na ng gowns. Hanep sa logic, diba?

Not too long ago, may mga hirit sya na napag-iiwanan na sya and the she's always the bridesmaid. You want proof? Eto.

Now, I am writing this to reminisce and at the same time, remind myself that God works in mysterious ways.

Kasi...

I too, am thinking at times that I am always the bridesmaid and never the bride.

I too, am thinking that napag-iiwanan na yata ako.

I too, am thinking the He has plans for me.

Thinking and analyzing too much won't get me anywhere. I just have to trust Him. Di naman nya ko pababayaan, for sure.

It might take a while pero I'll get there.

Someday...

My Stand on One Night Stands

2006-08-04T00:39:00.000+08:00

Mall of Asia
Contributed by mirage (Edited by alteredbeast)

They went to Mall of Asia the morning after they had sex for the first time.
It wasn't their first time to spend the night together but lots of firsts certainly took place that day - their first kiss (with each other), their first make out session which eventually led to their first fuck.

Everything went too fast. All she could remember was that they were about to sleep when he wrapped his arms around her. She snuggled at his chest as her hand rested on his back. They were doing this for months: sleeping together, wrapped in each other's arms, but that night was different. When she heard his deep breaths and felt him trace his fingers on her back, she knew that night would be different.

She couldn't remember exactly what happened next. She just found herself kissing him as his hands explored her body. That night, everything that was wrong felt so right for her. When he finally asked if he could enter, she didn't have any hesitations.

Neither one of them talked about what happened when they woke up that morning. She was the first one to get up. She fumbled through the sheets to look for her panties. She glimpsed at the naked person sleeping on her bed as she put on her clothes.

Minutes after, he got up and asked her where his briefs were. "Sa'n mo tinapon ang briefs ko?" He kidded as they both searched. She found his briefs under her bed and he snatched it from her hand. He saw the stains on her sheet and teased her about it. Everything seemed so casual.

They went out to have goto for breakfast. They could have stayed at her place and cooked breakfast but she didn't want her housemate to find him there. With nothing else to do, nowhere to go, and the day to spare, they decided to go to Mall of Asia.

Having opened just three weekends ago, they wanted to find out what the fuss was all about.
He and she walked aimlessly around the mall, lost in the throng of strangers. She wore plain houseclothes and slippers and he wore the same clothes he was wearing the day before.

They checked the IMAX theater. Superman would be out in two weeks and the attendants were already accepting reservations.
"Nood tayo Superman sa IMAX," he said.
"Mahal eh, 350."
"Sige na, just for the experience."
"Sige," she conceded.

(A few weeks later, they would each watch Superman separately. She paid 350 to watch it at Gateway while he watched it at Glorietta with someone else. She didn't bother asking.)

They went on with their aimless stroll in the mall until he invited her to have coffee at Starbucks. With his coffee jelly and her _mocha frap, they watched people from the glass wall, and talked about the weather. Nobody dared mention the events of the night prior.
While they were at the mall, he would put his hand on her shoulder or she would cling to his arm but they never held hands. When they got tired of walking, they went back to her place to sleep. They ordered KFC for dinner, watched random shows on cable until he decided that it was time for him to go home.

As she walked him to the door, he gave a perfunctory "una na ako" and left. There was no tender goodbye, not even a kiss on the cheek.

What happened to them the day after they had sex for the first time was hardly romantic. Why would she expect romance? Sex between friends is never romantic.

***

People she knew who had been to Mall of Asia had varied reactions. Some were impressed: andun na lahat ng stores, mapa-high end or jologs; ang romantic ng view ng bay; and ang galeng nung IMAX, para kang kasama sa pelikula were some of the praises. Others were disappointed: ang daming tao; hindi covered iyong nasa gilid, ang inet; and ang layo, were the lamentations.
However, when they asked her what she thought of the mall, she had no opinion. Although she saw the enormous skating rink, the scenic view of the bay, and the tram, these were insignificant details. She couldn't remember anything, except that it was where they went the morning after they had sex for the first time.
She never returned to Mall of Asia.

*****
MY SAY.

Obviously, I got this from this link peyups.com.
One word.
Harsh with a capital H.

I've had just one One Night Stand in my whole life ever. Oh well, let me define One Night Stands. According to me, eto yung mga relationships na di mo sure kung may patutunguhan. Tipong at the end of it all, sasabihin mo sa sarili mo, honey, sex lang yun, asa ka pa! Pero fortunately for me though kasi I ended up with that person.

I was drunk with depression when my first bf and I broke up. I was so lost and siguro, part of me wants to forget. I thought [i]doing[/i] it with someone else would make me feel better. Lucky lang talaga siguro ako kasi I had no regrets after that.

One Night Stands. It's too risky. It's always easier said than done that one can do it without the emotions (unless siguro, as in sanay sanay ka na).

If you think you've got nothing else to lose, do it.
If you are unsure, think about it.
But of course this is just me...

Oprah Writes About Men...

2006-08-02T00:48:00.000+08:00

OPRAH WRITES ABOUT MEN

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.

If hedoesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.Stopmaking excuses for a man and his behavior.

Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends". A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.

Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.

If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior. Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he has more education or in a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man. If he cheated with her, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the ending... compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute about
baggage... Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... arelationship consists of two WHOLE individuals... look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are and you're always readily available to him - he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house.

Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Share this with other women and men (just so they know)...You'll make someone smile, another rethink her choices, and another woman prepare.

Jesus Take the Wheel

2006-07-06T21:37:00.000+08:00

She was driving last Friday on her way to Cincinnati
On a snow white Christmas Eve
Goin' home to see her mama & her daddy with the baby in the backseat
Fifty miles to go and she was running low on faith and gasoline
It'd been a long hard year
She had a lot on her mind and she didn't pay attention
She was going way too fast
Before she knew it she was spinning on a thin black sheet of glass
She saw both their lives flash before her eyes
She didn't even have time to cry
She was so scared
She threw her hands up in the air

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel

It was still getting colder when she made it to a shoulder
And the car came to a stop
She cried when she saw that baby in the backseat sleeping like a rock
And for the first time in a long time
She bowed her head to pray
She said, "I'm sorry for the way
I've been living my life
I know I've got to change
So from now on tonight"

Jesus, take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on

Oh, Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
From this road I'm on
Jesus, take the wheel
Oh, take it, take it from me
Oh, why, oh

*****

First time I absorbed the lyrics of this song, I felt a tear in my eyes.
I was moved and I was definitely touched.
I am a Roman Catholic.
I studied at Catholic schools all my life.
And yet, I know that in one way or another, I am not acting as catholic as I can be.
I can't remember the last time I heard mass.
I can't remember the last time I confessed all my sins.

I am not making up excuses.
It's just that this is my stand.

I always tell people that though I don't hear the mass as often as I should, it's okay because I have a personal relationship with God. And that, more than anything else in the world, is far more important than going to churches or hearing masses.

I believe in God.
I really do.
It's just that I have a funny way of showing my faith to Him.

I can always talk to him.
I don't have to be in the confines of the church to do that.
I can just close my eyes and freely talk to him.

I don't have to set a specific day nor time just so I can communicate with Him.
It ain't that hard to find Him anyway.
I just have to look inside my heart.
And as always, He's there.

*****

It's so all behind us now...

-and so it's confirmed that you already have a kid. I shouldn't be concerning myself with this anyway kasi nga naman diba, it's all behind us now.

-it's kinda unbelievable that just a couple of weeks ago, I thought I was having the hardest part of my life and that I might not pull it off. Funny cos I'm still here. I'm tough pala naman talaga. Anyway, again, it's all behind us now.

Ikakasal na Siya...

2006-07-06T01:09:00.001+08:00

Ikakasal ka na daw.
Mega-react naman ako.
Ha? Kanino? Kelan? Bakit?

Linawin ko lang ha.
Wala na tayo.
Antagal na.
3 years na. o 4 nga ba?
Anyway, basta wala na tayo.

You might be wondering.
Since wala na tayo, e bakit naman mega-react pa ko nung nalaman ko na
Ikakasal ka na.

Beats me.

Siguro dahil unconsciously, iniisip ko, kung tayo pa rin, e di sana, tayo yung ikakasal.

Siguro dahil naaawa ako sa babaeng ihaharap mo sa dambana. goodluck sa kanya diba.

Siguro dahil mega-reactor lang talaga ako.

Siguro dahil in a way naiinggit ako. buti ka pa, ikakasal na. ako kaya, kelan?

Hay...

Sige na nga, take two.

Ikakasal ka na daw.

And so?
Queber.

*****

I can only imagine kung ano nga magiging reaction ko if I find out na you will be getting married.

We're so not together anymore. True.

But regardless, tayo man or hindi, once upon a time we were together. And once upon a time, we were happy.

Memories.

Yun na lang talaga.

Memories...

Because I am Bored...

2006-07-02T21:55:00.000+08:00

Your Personality Is

Rational (NT)

You are both logical and creative. You are full of ideas.
You are so rational that you analyze everything. This drives people a little crazy!

Intelligence is important to you. You always like to be around smart people.
In fact, you're often a little short with people who don't impress you mentally.

You seem distant to some - but it's usually because you're deep in thought.
Those who understand you best are fellow Rationals.

In love, you tend to approach things with logic. You seek a compatible mate - who is also very intelligent.

At work, you tend to gravitate toward idea building careers - like programming, medicine, or academia.

With others, you are very honest and direct. People often can't take your criticism well.

As far as your looks go, you're coasting on what you were born with. You think fashion is silly.

On weekends, you spend most of your time thinking, experimenting with new ideas, or learning new things.

The Three Question Personality Test

Answer Me.

2006-07-02T06:19:00.000+08:00

Hindi naman talaga ako mapanglait na tao.
(O, pakibaba mga kilay.)

Minsan lang talaga, may mga taong kakaiba.
For some reason, ibang klase sila.

Like what I always say,
'di ako pintasera, nagsasabi lang ako ng totoo!'

*****

Lalo na sa Grammar.

I admit. I am not perfect (maganda lang talaga ako, yun lang. lol!). I am not a police grammar. Pero at least, alam ko naman na 'pag masakit pakinggan, most often than not, mali yung grammar.
May mga ka-engotan din ako na nagagawa or nasasabi pero I can get away with it.

Kung bakit naman kasi may mga tao na umaapaw ang self confidence at sobrang bilib sa sarili.
It's okay to love yourself pero 'wag naman to the point na highest level na.

'Di ko naman talaga ugali na mang-bash ng tao (ows, talaga? lol.)
But my gas, you leave me no option.

Sige nga. Read on.
Tingnan ko lang kung 'di ka maloka.
I'm sure you'll agree with me.

*****

The Devils Wears Prada

We're gone. (meaning: wala na kami.)

I forget... you need to blah blah blah. (meaning: nakalimutan nya sabihin sayo or banggitin)

If the user is not replied to in 2 minutes, he will jump to another operator. (meaning: 'pag di mo naasikaso yung customer, mapupunta sya sa ibang queue)

much probably

*****

Sumakit ba ulo mo?
Ako slight.
Partida, wala pa yung mispronounced words dyan.

Kakaiba diba.

*****

So, how well do you know me?
Yup.
I am talking to you...
How well do you know me?
That well?
Really?
Sige nga.

Let's see.

Mga Kasabihan...

2006-06-28T00:46:00.000+08:00

A friend emailed me this and I wanted to share it.
Nakakatawa naman kasi.

Ang buhay ay parang bato, it's hard.

Better late than pregnant. (makes sense nga naman)

Behind the clouds are the other clouds.

It's better to cheat than to repeat!

Do unto others... then run!

Kapag puno na ang salop, kumuha na ng ibang salop.

Magbiro ka na sa lasing, magbiro ka na sa bagong gising, 'wag lang sa lasing na bagong gising.

When all else fails, follow instructions.

Ang hindi marunong magmahal sa sariling wika, lumakisa ibang bansa.

To err is human, to errs is humans. (very Erap!)

Ang taong nagigipit... sa bumbay kumakapit.

Pag may usok... may nag-iihaw.

Ang taong naglalakad nang matulin... may utang.

No guts, no glory... no ID, no entry.

Birds of the same feather that prays together... stays together.

Kapag may sinuksok at walang madukot, may nandukot.

Walang matigas na tinapay sa gutom na tao.

Ang taong di marunong lumingon sa kanyang pinanggalingan, may stiff neck.

Birds of the same feather make a good feather duster.

Kapag may tiyaga, may nilaga. Kapag may taga, may tahi.

Huli man daw at magaling, undertime pa rin.

Ang naglalakad ng matulin, late na sa appointment.

Matalino man ang matsing, matsing pa rin.

Better late than later...

Aanhin ang palasyo kung ang nakatira ay kuwago, mabuti pa ang bahay kubo, sa paligid puno ng linga.

Kapag maikli ang kumot, tumangkad ka na!

No man is an island because time is gold.

Hindi lahat ng kumikinang ay ginto... muta lang yan.

Kapag ang puno mabunga... mataba ang lupa!

When it rains...it floods.

Pagkahaba haba man ng prusisyon... mauubusan din ng kandila.

Ang buhay ay parang gulong, minsan nasa ibabaw, minsan nasa vulcanizing shop.

Batu-bato sa langit, ang tamaan... sapul.

Try and try until you succeed... or else try another.

Ako ang nagsaing... iba ang kumain. Diet ako eh.

Huwag magbilang ng manok kung alaga mo ay itik.

Kapag maiksi na ang kumot, bumili ka na ng bago.

If you can't beat them, shoot them.

An apple a day is too expensive.

An apple a day makes seven apples a week. (really expensive)

***

Hope everyone's having a great week.

The Rule of Four

2006-06-26T20:12:00.000+08:00

The Rule of Four

Found this somewhere...

Four jobs I have had in my life:
1. Team Leader
2. Customer Service Associate
3. Telemarketer
4. Tour Guide

Four movies I would watch over and over:
1. Serendipity
2. 50 First Dates
3. Legally Blonde
3. Sassy Girl

Four places I have lived at:
1. Makati City
2. San Juan, Metro Manila
3. Laloma, Quezon City
4. Fairview

Four TV shows I love(d)to watch:
1. F.R.I.E.N.D.S.
2. CSI (Las Vegas, New York and Miami)
3. Will and Grace
4. One Tree Hill

Four places I have been on vacation:
1. Boracay
2. Bataan
3. Zambales
4. Baguio City

Four websites I visit daily:
1. Yahoo
2. Friendster
3. my Blogspot
4. my Multiply blog

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Pasta with white sauce
2. Chocolates
3. Ice Cream
4. Chicken Bacolod's Isol (chicken ass)

Four places I would rather be right now:
1. Boracay
2. Palawan
3. Baguio City
4. New York (shopping!)

Now that it's done, I am going to tag...
1. She-Anne
2. She'
3. Jovee
4. you

The Break-up

2006-06-18T20:40:00.000+08:00

It's hard when you commit yourself to someone (or in this case, something) and not know what to really expect. What's harder even is exerting all your effort, giving your all then knowing that it's not working afterall.

Getting into the relationship is hard as it is.
You try to establish a common ground. You try to be your best. Be at your best.
At some point, you lose your identity.
The harder you please the other party, the more you lose yourself.
And sometimes, it's draining.
Especially when you realize that it's always you giving.
Always you adjusting.

You cry your heart out.
You feel that you've been had.
You wallow in self-pity.
You let time heal the wound.

Then you tell yourself...
a break-up ain't that bad at all.

And so after being together for 2 years,
I am breaking up with you.

No regrets.
I am too good for you.

***

Friendship is like any other normal relationship.
Communication is needed.
It's a two-way street.
And it shouldn't be imposed.

It's not something that you demand.
It's something you give freely.

If you don't wanna give your friendship anymore,
I'd appreciate the honesty.

If you don't want me around,
just tell me.

I'd take take that any time of the day...
Than having you and your hostility.

ps.
Thanks for the friendship.
I'll surely miss it more than anything else.
I am always praying for you.

It is with deep sadness and regret that I tell you that Ma-an's friendship with C**** died of natural death last June 19th of 2006.
Ma-an tried to rekindle the friendship but to no avail, C**** just gave up on her.
You will be missed.

A night with the two Sheryls in my Life

2006-06-17T01:40:00.000+08:00

Nothing beats the feeling of spending quality time with your bestfriends especially if you’re not so having a good day.

I wouldn’t trade the moment for anything in the world.

Cliché’ and all, having your friends around really makes a difference. Friends will always stand by you no matter what. I remember receiving a text once:

“Good friends are friends you can call at 2o’clock in the morning and tell them na nakapatay ka and True friends are those who show up sa house mo at may dalang pala, wala nang tanong tanong, hukay na agad.”

It's true though, no questions asked, true friends will stay with you all the way.

***

At the end of the dark tunnel, your friends are there in a tricyle.

What I love about Burn and Jovee...

2006-06-16T02:44:00.000+08:00

Oh no! Kasama ko na naman sila...

Ano'ng kalokohan na naman kaya gagawin nila...

Hmm... ano lasa ng buhok?
Matikman nga.

Ma-an, the Owner (left) and Jovee, the Pet (right).

What's with the nose Jovee?
Jovee, in a bomb-sniffing stance.

Eto na po sila...

Longest Tongue.
And the winner is Burn.

O sige, seryoso na.

Burn, what's up?

***

Jovee and Burn...

It's not always about the fun that we have when we're all together.
More than anything else, it's the thought that when I'm in deep shit, I can count on you guys.

No whys.
No buts.

As simple as...

At your place
and
What time.

My Simple Pleasures

2006-06-15T00:01:00.000+08:00

I've been tagged by one of my bestfriends, She-Anne.

My Top 10 Simple Pleasures

Getting a pedicure and manicure at least every two weeks.

A body massage with John (again, at least every two weeks).

Eating isol (or chicken pwet) from Chicken Bacolod.

An ice cold Coke.

Any good book from a book sale.

A copy of Cosmopolitan on the first day of of the month.

Whiling away my time in the mall looking for anything na I can buy (with John not complainig).

A quality and cam-whoring time spent with friends.

A text, call or email from a friend asking as to how I've been.

Any time spent with John. As long as I'm with him, even if the talk may be nonsense, the gestures may not be that sweet and the setting may not be romantic, as long as I have him beside me, everything is more than alright.

***

This birthday has been the worst for me.
But it's okay.
Enough of the wallowing, whining and crying.

Hell, I've got my friends and they believe in me.

***

At the end of the dark tunnel is a tricycle.

***

Ang buhay, parang gulong, minsan... nasusunog.

2006-06-14T16:45:00.000+08:00

It's June 14th...
It's my Birthday...

and it ain't happy at all.

2006-06-05T01:36:00.000+08:00

Another night out with two of my dorkiest friends...

The night out won't be complete without us camwhoring...

At syempre, si Jovee, pa-cute na naman.
Take note Jovee ha, pa-cute, hindi cute!
Stop the delusion na cute ka.

And to cap the night, here's the best shot of all.
Ang pang-Oscars na kuha ni Burn!
Muntik na akong mag-lock jaw sa kakatawa.

Pic(k)s for the Week

2006-06-04T17:27:00.000+08:00

The trip to the doctor went well.
I didn't undergo the surgery yet.
My throat is still under observation.
But just the same, they did something painful.
They scraped something off my thoat.
Para ma-prevent daw and nodules.

Enough of the gorry details.

***

And so we went to Boracay last week.
Though masakit throat ko, okay lang.
Enjoyed the vacation just the same.
Good thing it didn't rain.
Thanks Papa Jesus.

I'll let these pictures tell the story...

Inside the plane...

Red Coconut, where we stayed.

Having my henna tattoo.

Chi, showing off his henna tattoo.

Camwhoring under the sun...

***

How time really flies. It's already June. Rainy season na naman. And of course, birthday na namin ni John. Woohoo!

At this time of the year, I get senti.

As I don't have the luxury to do this all the time, I try to reminisce and evaluate my so-called life.

Am I living my life to the fullest?

So far, I know I am. Cliche' as it may seem, Life is indeed short, that's why we have to live it to the fullest. I try to accomplish all my goals. I live up my dreams. I do things that makes me happy. I try to make people happy.

Am I making my friends, lovedones and all those around me happy?

Well, to be honest, not all the time. But I try. I try to love them with all that I have in my own little way. I may sometimes have a funny way of showing it, but I try to touch their lives as much as they did mine.

Am I happy?

I guess I am. I have an understanding and supportive Family, I have a loving John, I have loyal friends and best of all, I have a very forgiving God. What else could I ask for? Though at trying times I question His will, I wouldn't have it another way.

***

Sus', enough of the drama...

2006-05-21T19:42:00.006+08:00

And so tomorrow, at 10 o'clock in the morning, I will be at Makati Med.
I might undergo a minor throat surgery.

Might, as I will try my best to convince the doctor not to go through it.
Maybe, a pray over will do.
Maybe, another week of those expensive antibiotics will be enough.
Maybe, hmmm...

Thanks to all those wishing the best for me.

***

We watched Da Vinci Code yesterday (or rather, earlier).
The screening time was 1:20AM.
We didn't have a choice.
Lahat ata ng tao asa Greenbelt kagabi to watch that movie.

The movie was okay.
Marami daw tinanggal from the book.
Naman. That's nothing but normal.
What do we expect?
Kung everything from the book was included in the movie, for sure, more than 3 hours yung movie.
As what my friend says, "Godfather lang talaga ang kumpleto. Kaso pati yun, 2 parts."

So, what's my verdict?
I liked the movie.
No need to read the book just so you'd understand it.
But it wouldn't hurt if you do that though.

***

I am excited with our Bora trip on Thursday.

Rain rain, go away.
Please come back after my Bora stay.

The Much Awaited Post (Coach)...

2006-05-17T20:54:00.000+08:00

I haven't been posting for quite a while... I know.
I too, am looking forward to this post.

I have a sore throat since Easter Sunday.
For the longest time, my voice is hoarse and I am always coughing as if my life depended on it. I stopped smoking for like a month now. Okay. I stand corrected. I now smoke only occasionally. As in. From the usual 5 sticks to 1 pack a day, I'm now down to 1 stick every night out. And take note, West Ice pa yan.

By Monday, I might be undergoing a minor throat surgery. Kasi naman, last time I heard my normal voice was Easter Sunday.
I hope the medicines will work wonders.

Honestly, I am freakin scared.

Me: "Doc, masakit po ba yung gagawin nyo sa kin on Monday?"
Doc: "Okay lang, may anesthesia naman so di mo mararamdaman."

How very comforting naman.

***

Dahil nga forever na yung sore throat ko, some of my officemates are scaring me. Pa-check up na daw ako kasi baka cancer na daw sakit ko.

OMG naman! Cancer?

And so I texted John.

Me: "Chi, punta tayo hospital tomorrow. I am dying. My cancer daw ako."
John: "Sino nagsabi, susuntukin ko."
Me: "Officemates ko. I'm dying."
John: "Di yan totoo."
Me: "I'm dying."
John: "Sige, sama ko sa hukay. Drama naman ng baby ko."

Sweet. Lol.

***
Meet my newest baby.

My purple Coach wristlet.

When I saw this online, I fell in love.

We tried looking for it in Rockwell. Wala daw.

Buti na lang my friend's bf was able to order it online.

Thanks Neil and MJ.

The much awaited Coach nga.

Update...?

2006-05-06T02:00:00.000+08:00

I haven't been posting for quite some time.

I guess I've been busy.

Nothing much has happened.

So, all's well...

I'm still alive...

... and pretty. Lol!

B-O-R-E-D

2006-04-14T18:44:00.000+08:00

From an email...

These are from a book called "Disorder in the American Courts" and theses are the things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.

***

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

***

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

***

Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that you've forgotten?
A: What was the question?

***

Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

***

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

***

Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

***

Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?

***

Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?

***

Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

***

Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?

***

Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

***

Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.

***

Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.

***

Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was cutting open his guts.

***

Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

Kikay Day with John

2006-04-10T01:25:00.000+08:00

Had the most relaxing weekend with John.

We went to the salon to have our pedicure/manicure and he had a haircut.

After that we went to the spa for a massage.

John can really be kikay sometimes.

Good thing cos I don't have to drag him to get some pampering.

*wink wink

***

How could I have fallen for you?
When I think about it now... we're so different from each other.
Gawd, it's like Ebony and Ivory.
Beer and Milk.
You and Me.

But I did love you anyway...

(Monologue for the Ex)

A Whole Week of F-U-N

2006-04-08T15:40:00.000+08:00

Monday... we dressed up with something Magical.

Friday... we dressed up as UK Celebs!

Ma-an at Work

2006-04-02T21:23:00.000+08:00

As some of you may not know, I was transferred to a new process last March 20th. I am no longer in Customer Service. I'm now trying my luck in Credit Underwriting. The process is called UK Credit Underwrinting Unit (UK-CUU). I do not have any underwriting experience, I am not a gifted Math person, so goodluck to me. Lol.

Sabi nga ni Hazel, before, bibig lang ang gumagana. With my eyes closed, I can answer customer service concerns. But now, with Underwriting, it's a different thing. Oh well, I'm a fast learner naman e.

Last Friday, Hazel and I worked on our first ever live work item.

Buti na lang mine wasn't too complicated. I didn't have too check on a lot of details.

Weekend with Friends

2006-03-27T00:17:00.000+08:00

Had dinner with my HSBC friends last Saturday.
It was a blast!
After dinner, we all went to Red Box.
The gimmick was really well spent.
I just hope we do it more often.

Let me be The One...

2006-03-21T04:18:00.000+08:00

God, I've never prayed this hard before.

Please.

Let me be The One.

Please.

+++

First day of training went well.

Finally...

2006-03-17T12:38:00.000+08:00

It was past 7 in the evening when I got to sleep yesterday.
For those who works in a regular shift, that's okay. Heck, that's even early.
But for someone working on a 2-11 AM shift, that's absurd.
I got off from work at 11 in the morning.
Finished lunch at around 1 in the afternoon.
I even got to finish reading one book.
But still, I couldn't sleep.
I was too far away from Dreamland.
Sleep was very elusive.

For some reason, I cannot sleep.
For some reason, I was uneasy.
It was as if something huge's gonna happen.

I woke up at 1 in the morning.
I didn't feel too well.
My heart is slamming against my ribs.
Gawd, I am palpitating.

I was telling myself, no Venti White Mocha Frap for me from now on.
(Although that has been no problem for me in the past.)

When I got in the office, I was still uneasy.
Something's not quite right.

As I was turning on my computer, Dianne from Opsdesk approached my TL.
She told my TL that Mel needs to talk me.
I was freakin' nervous. And me lacking sleep didn't help at all.
When I approached Mel, she told me that Brian is looking me.
Oh great, just what I need. An on-the-spot interview with me palpitating and looking so undressed. As it is Friday, we are on dress down and I was wearing one of my white Havaianas. I even had to borrow a dressier sandals from a team mate (Thanks Mea!).

As Brian and I were talking, he casually asked as to how I think I did with the final interview.
I said that I didn't make any major booboo and I was able to answer all questions, so I think I did well.
Then he just said, "Oh, good for you cos you got the job."
My brain wasn't functioning well that time that's why I didn 't even react.
I just said "really" with that stupefied look on my face.

And so I just got promoted...

Finally...

It was worth the palpitation and puyat...

Just Look Inside...

2006-03-13T02:06:00.000+08:00

Just Look Inside...
(peyups.com)

If you ever wonder about the man in your life... you may want to look inside.

Look inside. To see a different side of a man.

Look inside. Realize that he can and does feel for you something different, something special. He wakes up in the morning, and you're the first thing on his mind. If he could call you right then and there, he would. When he sees you, his heart leaps. Not just the first time, not just when you're "alone", but every time. Every time he meets you, it's as if his whole world has been renewed. It doesn't matter if it's raining, or sunny, snowing, pleasant, or dreary. You make the rain tender, the sun warmer, the snow caressing, a dreary day funny, and a pleasant day perfect. Without you, his days would have no meaning. Of course, you say, "But there could be another." He says, "There isn't another. You are the only one..." He brings you flowers. Not so you'll like him more, or so you'll give him a kiss, but because he simply loves to make you happy. To see that smile on your face. Though you never knew it, it took him four months to get the courage to ask you out. Yes, he was nervous, scared. All guys are. While they try to seem tough and insensitive-deep down asking a girl out is the hardest thing in the world. And it's only that hard because of you. You just had to be so perfect, so beautiful that his fear of rejection became overwhelming. And the day you said "sure" was the best day of his life.

Look inside. Sometimes you find something that you weren't looking for. Though he won't admit it, he'd much rather cuddle with you in front of the TV for an evening than go out with the guys (well most of the time). When you hold his hand, when he holds yours, it's the best feeling in the world. And when he sees you hurt or crying, it's ripping his heart in two. Deepdown, he's a romantic. He'd love to sing you songs, but he just doesn't have the voice. He'd love to take you on a moonlit walk down the beach, but he has to settle for a stroll in the park. He wishes he could bring you a dozen roses every day, but his wallet just won't let him. Making you happy is his main goal in life. Some would say that a guy like this is not a man. He is too sensitive, too weak. But I say, for all the reasons on this page, that these things are precisely what make him a man. And your existence alone has already completed his life. You are not aware of it, but he cherishes each and every moment with you as if it could be his last. Because, deep down, he is afraid that you may just decide to leave. And that is his biggest fear. And if you did leave, this man would cry. Each second with you completes him. Whether you're walking together somewhere, cuddling on a chair, skiing the slopes, sharing an ice cream cone. No matter what it is you are doing, it makes him completely happy just to be with you.

Look inside. It is often surprising. The little things are what he cherishes most. When he gets to brush your hair, when you accidentally (or perhaps on purpose) brush fingertips. When you call unexpectedly, just to say hi. He lives for these moments. He would, if given the chance, die for you. This may seem ridiculous, but he would gladly give anything and all for you. Just look inside. And you may find something worth holding onto. Now, just look around... because this guy is out there. Right now, at this very second, he is thinking of you. You may or may not know who he is. It may be your boyfriend, your best "guy friend", or it could be someone you've never met. All the same, someday all he'll want to do is make you happy.

Look inside. I've loved and been loved. I've hurt and been hurt. This is life. But believe me, true love still exists. All you have to do is look for it. I know I do... each and everyday... and to the man who found me, -- I love you.

+++

John and I have been together for quite a while now.
And sometimes, I tend to take him for granted.
I know, bad girfriend.

Validation :
It's just that sometimes, I can't help but think... what if we don't end up together?

Saan na naman ako pupulutin?

When 'Vyn and I broke up, I was shattered.
I was lost.
I didn't know what to do.

It was hard putting back the pieces.
And I wouldn't want to be in the same situation again.

I know.
John is John.
'Vyn is 'Vyn.

And I am me.

I always psyche myself to take it one step at a time.
I always pray that it works for me this time.

And I know they're not enough.

This week...

2006-03-11T15:12:00.000+08:00

One of my inaanaks, Tre' passed away.
He was just one year and nine months.
He was so young.
He choked on pancit canton.

I believe in God.
I really do.
It's just at these times, you can't help help but ask, why?

Can somebody please explain this to me...

+++

For the past few days, I am a little edgy.
I'm not PMS-ing or whatsoever.
Just that for some reason I can't fathom, I feel like a caged tiger.

I have no idea as to what I am going through.

Tell me this is normal. Please.

+++

That one time was a mistake.

To do it again, still a mistake.

A major one at that.

What is it with you?

Or is it me all along...

+++

I had my final interview this morning.

At one in the morning.

Beat that.

It was a video conference.

I know...

I am not telegenic.

+++

Makulit daw ako. That's why people tend to give in to what I like.
I wanted to go out badly last night just so I could cool my nerves.

I texted friends. Asking them if they're free.

Begging them to go out with me.

And of course, Jovee and Burn came to the rescue.
John says it me being makulit that made them go out with me.

Please tell me that's not true.

Please tell me that it's because you guys love me that's why you decided to give in.

Please tell that it's my pleasant presence that made you go.

Please.

+++

Jovee and Burn, Thanks so much.

It meant a lot to me.

I love you guys. (Second to John, you two are the best.)

p.s.

Di naman ako makulit diba? Makulit ba ko? Hindi naman diba? Di naman talaga e. Makulit ba ko? Hindi diba? Diba?

The Real Thing...

2006-03-10T07:11:00.000+08:00

The Real Thing
Bo Bice

Every word I say I mean it
Every single day I feel it
But sometimes when you talk
It's obvious you want to show it
So don't blow it

Tell me what we got
Tell me it's a lot
Tell me it's the real thing
Tell me not to change
And always be the same
Tell me that's a good thing
It's a good thing
Tell me not to lie
Tell me not to wait
Tell me that you want the same things as me
Tell me that it's fate
Driving me insane
Tell me it's the real thing
That keeps me hangin on

I can read the signs between us
And I feel it inside when you come nearer
There's a stillness in the air
Like no one else is there
And every moment stays in the moment
Yeah

Tell me what we got
Tell me it's a lot
Tell me it's the real thing
Tell me not to change and always be the same
Tell me that's a good thing
It's a good thing
Tell me not to lie
Tell me not to wait
Tell me that you want the same things as me
Tell me that it's fate
Driving me insane
Tell me it's the real thing
That keeps me hangin on

Sometimes it hurts to watch you leave
It feels like you're taking a part of me with you
I never know how it'll be
I guess it's just a mystery
But is it the real thing (that keeps me hangin on)

Tell me what we got
Tell me it's a lot
Tell me it's the real thing
Tell me not to change and always be the same
Tell me that's a good thing
It's a good thing
Tell me not to lie
Tell me not to wait
Tell me that you want the same things as me
Tell me that it's fate
Driving me insane

Tell me it's the real thing
That keeps me hangin on
Tell me what we got
Tell me it's a lot
Tell me it's the real thing
Tell me not to change and always be the same
Tell me that's a good thing
It's a good thing
Tell me not to lie
Tell me not to wait
Tell me that you want the same things as me
Tell me that it's fate
Driving me insane
Tell me it's the real thing
The real thing

+++

Bo will always be the American Idol for me.
I was sooo looking forward to his album.
And finally, it's out.

I wouldn't mind listening to the song over and over again.

Hay, Bo... you rock my world!

My Word Cloud

2006-03-08T10:55:00.000+08:00

Got this from Eric. It took me a while before I figured it out.

Anyhow, here we go...

addict - I'm a self-confessed shoes and bag addict.
Baclaran - I went there the first time last month.
badge - The ID I wear at the office (?).
bag - I just can't get enough of them.
battle - Battle of the bands (?).
blog - Journal.
blogger - I am.
Boracay - Can't wait to be back.
buhay - Enjoy.
Burn - Second boyfriend.
Chi - First boyfriend.
Coke - Can't live without one.
crazy - Matagal na.
family - Would do anything for them.
Greenhills - Shopping paradise.
happy - I want to be.
Havaianas - I want them all.
job - Be promoted.
John - My all.
Jovee - No longer a Third boyfriend.
Kauffman - Donna, good author.
life - Buhay.
maldita - Since birth.
married - In two years (?).
Math - I abhor.
one - One true love (?).
pancit - Not a pancit-person.
past - Learn and move on.
people - Deal with them.
photos - A lot.
pics - Addict.
pink - Loving it.
purple - Still my favorite.
rantingmaldita - Me.
read - Can finish a book in one sitting.
shoes - More.
shopping - Dream job.
sleep - Can't get enough.
smile - Ready for the pic.
swimsuit - Ready for Bora.
trip - Boracay.
world - Peace.

+++

Tre', you will be missed...

2006-03-04T14:20:00.000+08:00

Jovee and I while waiting for Burn.

I was forced to eat at Jollibee.
No, I am not pa-sosyal nor sosyal for that matter.
It's just that we have our food delivered from Jollibee everyday. Kaya naman when I go out, as much as possible, sa iba naman ako kumakain.
Naman, malapit na nga ko tumilaok because of Chicken Joy e.

Pang-asar! Mukha daw akong pusa because of the contact lens. Pusa na kung pusa, maganda naman!

Burn, you look different with the goatee... parang bad boy image na ewan. Basta, kakaiba. Siguro it tickles no? Sayang, I didn't try. Haha.

Burn and Me...

As what the shirt says, Tough Guys Wear Pink.

Sana they have one in John's size.

Sayang.

+++

Ma-an -- Gosh, wala akong maisip na talent ko.

Burn -- May talent ka, kaya mong hindi uminom ng water for one year.

What a pathetic talent...

+++

Ma-an -- Shet, ang gwapo talaga ng crush ko. Ang gwapo nya.

Jovee -- Thank you.

Kapal ng pes mo!

Business as Usual

2006-02-27T12:34:00.000+08:00

While we were having a political unrest last February 24th, we were required to report for work in our Alabang site. Political unrest or not, State of Emergency or not, it's business as usual.

Our absenteeism rate shot up to I think 42% and that's why we were again, required to render overtime.

It's a little disappointing.
We having to report for work when everyone's scared of what might happen next.
People might be dying, soldiers might be firing theirs guns and we're stuck, working in Alabang.

+++

It was like a field trip for me.

It was my first time to visit our Alabang site.

The office looks nice.

The facilities are pretty decent.

I would like working there if I live in the South.

Losers Weepers...

2006-02-22T13:05:00.000+08:00

Burn and I went on a date last February 18th.
Busy-busyhan na naman si Jovee kaya dalawa lang kami.

We talked about the one person that he'd like to be with, again.
He had a girlfriend back in college.
They were together for quite a while.
But for some reason, they split up.
He just received a call from the girl.
And that's it.

Sa naging relationship namin ni Melvyn, Burn was in my place.
Melvyn broke up with me without really knowing the reason why.
And he broke up with me through the phone din.

I guess ang difference lang is,

Burn, pumunta ako ng Nueva Ecija the next minute.
I just had to see him.
I had to hear it from him.

Mabuti na rin na di ka pumunta ng Bicol.
Mapapagod ka lang.

Burn, I didn't tell you this when we were together cos I thought it would ruin the moment.

Half of me wants to tell you na you are better off without her.
Half of me wants to tell you na you go ahead and win her back.

Whatever it is that you want to do, I want you to be happy.

Here's to you guys who broke our hearts apart...

L O S E R S !

I can see clearly now...

2006-02-20T12:07:00.000+08:00

I am trying out contact lenses.

I am so having a hard time poking my eyes.
And that's not even enough, I have to insert a foreign object in my eyes while trying so hard not to blink.

One word.

Excruciating.

But I can definitely see clearly now.

I'm checking out if this will be working for me.

As per Jovee Lark's Instructions...

2006-02-18T12:37:00.000+08:00

Wow! Nice naman...

Isa pa nga...

I AM SOO GOOD AT THIS...

Last Day...

2006-02-18T00:45:00.000+08:00

It's my last day in Recruitment.
I will be going back to Operations on Monday at 2 in the morning.
It's a great deal of adjustment especially if you've been on a 9AM-6PM sked for the past 4 months.
**I will miss interviewing applicants.
**I will miss filling out the interview packets.
**I will miss how some of the applicants pronounce throng as chrung.
**I will miss giving out disclosures.
**I will miss the weekend offs (although at times, we are asked to render a sixth day OT on a Saturday).
**I will miss Comms, Initials and Seconds.

I am a bit hesitant to be back on the floor.
Afterall, it's been almost 7 months since I last took a call.
My ID is still not working.
But it is the case of a special child as they will be making a new one for me.

When I'm there, my world seems to be smaller.

February 14th, 2006

2006-02-15T14:14:00.000+08:00

What John gave me for Valentine's Day.

Dinner at Tony Roma's.

Looking forward to next year...

How I've Been...

2006-02-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

Last Week...

I was in a bit of state. Majority of my friends are getting married. I am so not hearing any wedding bells of my own. E hindi pa nga nag-ppropose si John for crying out loud!
I am not trying to steal someone else's thunder.
Or that I am trying to reign on someone else's parade.
Honestly, I am happy for those of my friends who just got married. And will be married.
I may not look (or sound) like it, but I am happy for you guys.

Sabi nga ng isa sa mga best friend ko, in God's time.

+++

Again, last week...

I found out that one of my batchmates was promoted to a TL.
Finally.
He has been applying for all positions available and it's high time that he gets the job. As far as I can remember, he has already submitted at least 7 applications. Imagine, 7 attempts before finally making it.
E di paano na lang pala ako. So far, I officially tried once.
Officially... kasi yung supposedly second, they retracted the position.They are eyeing someone for the position daw. Which is so absurd. Why put the posting if you're already eyeing someone diba? Very unprofessional if you're gonna ask me.
As if they care naman diba.

Honestly, I got a bit sad.
Cos again, I was reminded that I am still where I am 20 months ago.
And it sucks.

Bakit sila na-ppromote, ako, hindi.

E kasi sila, nag-aaply... ikaw hindi.

+++

Burn, Jovee and I went to Baclaran yesterday.
It was a spur of the moment thing.
Marami daw kasing tinda na bag sa Berma.
And so I coerced them into accompanying me.
It was my first time to ride a jeep after almost a year.
7.50 na pala ang pamasahe. Last time kasi, 4 pesos pa.
It was also my first time to ride the LRT.
Sayang kasi they weren't able to take my pictures.
Sabi kasi ni Burn, pag nilabas ko daw yung phone ko, baka umuwi kaming luhaan.
And so we went to the place.
Imagine my disappointment when we got there. Halos kapareha lang sya ng Tutuban. I am complaining when we got there, wala masyadong mga bags. Actually, mas marami pa sa Greenhills.
I guess it wasn't my day.
And to think na we had to walk from the LRT Buendia Station up until there.
Maarte ako, I know. Pero naman. If you have to walk through that strip, you have to be prepared. Kelangan hawakan mo ng mabuti bag mo. And lumingon-lingon ka kasi baka masagasaan ka.
It was quite an adventure for me.
Okay lang. At least, nakapunta na ko sa Baclaran Church.
Isipin na lang daw namin na yun talaga yung ipinunta namin dun.

Okay.

+++

It's good to have 2 extra boyfriends.
Lalo na if you're gonna go shopping in Greenhills.

Tried and Tested.

020506 -- Battle of the Bands

2006-02-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

CCAP's Finals for the Battle of the Bands was held last February 5, 2006. It was held at Le Pavillion in Roxas Boulevard. There were 8 finalists from different call centers.

Performers were 6 Cycle Mind, Mojofly, Parokya ni Edgar and Rivermaya. Chito and the rest really brought the house the down. We so enjoyed their performance. Nakakatuwa sya. He even sang Manny Pacquiao's song, pero yung chorus lang.

The biggest surprise of the night was Rivermaya. They weren't supposed to be there in the first place. Ang nakalagay sa tickets is Bamboo. Well, I guess these two bands really can't stand each other kaya one has to leave. Unfortunately, it was Bamboo who had to give way. Imagine my consternation when the CCAP Chairman announced that due to unavoidable circumstances, Bamboo won't be able to perform. Kainis! And I'm sure na hindi lang ako ang nainis. Afterall, we were all expecting for Bamboo to perform. Ang hindi ko lang talaga ma-gets is kung bakit of all bands, e Rivermaya pa ang pumalit. Bakit hindi na lang Hale, o kaya Spongecola, o kaya kahit sino basta hindi sila. Buti na lang we didn't have to pay for the tickets.

In all honesty, ClientLogic deserved to win. Carry naman nila yung may-pagka-Rage Against the Machine na style nila. Marvin, the vocalist (Myra Ruaro of Pu3ska's hubby) was nice. We chanced upon him sa parking and John started a conversation with him. Buti na lang, nice sya kaya ok lang sa kin na they won.

Convergys was ok din. Since the Elimination round naman, sila na yung bet ko.

It was a great night, but John and his bandmates didn't win. I guess the judges weren't in to show bands.

All in all, I enjoyed the event, but not too much kasi nga hindi nanalo sila John and I didn't see Bamboo.

Trippin' in Baclaran and Greenhills

2006-02-11T01:00:00.000+08:00

With Burn in Baclaran Church...

With Jovee naman...

With my pink bag...

Boys? or Girls? With their pink shirt.

Lilo and Stich... ?

Girls don't get it?

Isa sa mga BF ko, kaso bakla daw sya. Di naman, diba?

Eto BF ng BF ko, mas bagay sila.

Chow Time.

Wedding Blues

2006-02-06T20:04:00.000+08:00

No worries. I am doing good.
The part about you on my blog was actually written on a happy note. Hindi lang siguro ganun ang dating because of the first entry.
You don't have to defend yourself to me.I will never ever think that you are getting married for the wrong reasons. Had it been that way, e di sana dati pa diba? It shouldn't have taken you 6 years for that.
I am happy for you. Truly I am.
I may be in a situation right now na medyo kakaiba pero the world doesn't stop there.
Even if I am in misery, I can be happy for other people. Lalo na at isa sa mga best friends ko.
Again, I am happy for you.
I am wishing you and *** all the best.

Love you too!

Hi Ma-an!

How have you been? I just read your blog, reason why i am messaging you now. I don't want to assume or anything, but the last paragraph you wrote hit me. Maybe because I know I have said it to you guys some time ago, and maybe because when *** learned that things are going well with me and ****, she also brought that up. That I once said "I want a wedding, not a marriage."

I don't know what the point of this whole e-mail is. Maybe to defend myself? Maybe to assure you guys that I am not getting married for the wrong reasons? Or maybe to just simply share with you the joy I am experiencing now. You are, after all, one of my best friends. =)

When I said that I wanted a wedding and not a marriage, i did mean it at that time. I wasn't involved with anyone when most of my friends were. I was coordinating weddings when i was
nowhere near having one. It was a depressing situation to be in. I said i wanted a wedding because i was passionate about weddings. Goodness, i've had mine all planned out since i was in high school! I have pictured my dream wedding even before i had my first boyfriend!

But now that things have turned around and things have fallen into place, i know without a doubt that i would rather have a perfect marriage than have a perfect wedding. Now that i know who i am supposed to spend the rest of my life with, i no longer care about how the wedding will turn out (okay, well, not entirely true, hehe), but i do care a great deal about how were going to make the marriage work. please don't think i am getting married for the wrong reasons. and more importantly, you being happy for me and being happy about the decision i have made would really, really, really mean a lot to me!

let me just end this e-mail by saying that you too should not fret. You have found the perfect partner in John. that's half the battle, Sweetie. I am pretty sure that you are not on your way to
anywhere else but to marital bliss. Cliche, but i know that it will happen all in God's perfect time.

'Love You! =)

Everybody's Getting Married...

2006-02-05T13:56:00.000+08:00

except for me.

Bitter? A bit. Jealous? A bit.

John and I had been together for 3 years now. Pero up until now, I am not hearing any wedding bells. If it's any consolation, we talk about it, in passing. So no definite plans or whatever as of yet. But I did ask him once if he has plans of marrying me. I asked him if this relationship is leading us to the altar. Nagulat nga sya cos I was so dead serious. Sabi nya, ako na daw yung babaeng nakikita nya na papakasalan nya. A sigh of relief diba. I mean, why go through everything kung sa wala lang din naman mapupunta.

I've got friends who are already married. It didn't take them 3 years to have the wedding.
At meron pang iba na kakakilala lang and yet, ikakasal na sila.

I don't know why I am blogging about this. Probably because I want to get it off my system.
Honestly, hindi ko alam.

Bahala na nga si Batman.

+++

I have a friend who once said,

"I want a wedding, not a marriage."

And now, she is getting married.

I wish her all the best.

At Random...

2006-01-21T11:27:00.000+08:00

JANUARY 15th --

CCAP's Battle of the Bands at Glorietta. John and his bandmates. They placed 5th and the Finals will be on February 5th. NBC Tent daw, not final though.

Met up with one of my best friends. Good to know that she is happy. One word to describe her, in BLISS.

JANUARY 6th --

First kita-kits with what's left of the Bangags. Dinner at Friday's. As always, lamang na naman si Jovee sa mga solo pics. Hoy! Bagong taon na. Magbago ka na!

JANUARY 7th --

Threesome. After dinner, went to spend the night in Novaliches. Inom konti ng beer.

Weirdest Looking Santa --

housed in Makati Med. Need I say more? Lol.

JANUARY 8th --

First visit to Makati Med for the year of 2006. Not a good way to start the year. Nothing serious. Sobrang sakit lang talaga ng throat ko.

Buhay pa ko!

2006-01-03T22:21:00.000+08:00

Buhay pa naman ako. To those who are missing me, to those who are looking for me, andito pa ko. Buhay pa naman.

In a gist...

Christmas was spent with John and his mom.

New Year was spent at home.

John and I had our Third Anniversary last January 1st.
Oo na, cheesy.
Anniv on New Year?
E ganun e.
Love happened.
It doesn't choose the date, the time... it just happens.

***

I got my wish for Christmas. I'm still with Recruitment. We're extended until February. Woohoo!

***

There are these women who are tagged as Jerk Magnets. Ako, I guess you could say na I am the Jerk Magnet's friend slash morale booster.

As what I always tell these Jerk Magnets, sila lang din ang makakatulong sa sarili nila.
No matter how sad the story is, they always have the option of being miserable and depressed or being in a better place.

I know it's sad to be breaking up with someone you really love.
I was through that before. It hurts like hell.

But you have a choice. Hurt like hell or get over it.

The first step to healing is getting over that person.
It's always easier said than done, I know.
Afterall, it's not easy to forget someone who has been a part of your life.

But then again, you need to move on.

It's painful. There's no other way. Try embracing the pain. Next thing you know, it's over.

Malayo sa bituka yan.
Wala pa naman ako nababalitaan na namatay dahil sa ganyan (unless of course, mag-commit ng suicide, which is so beneath everything naman)...

Kaya mo 'yan, ikaw pa.